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3rd-Date Rule Is A Dating Mistake?

The legendary 3rd date rule says you either have sex on date number three or move on. If you’re seeking a happy, sexy love that lasts, don’t fall into this 3rd date trap. Why?

It’s good to feel the desire to be sexual at the start of a dating relationship, because you can’t manufacture sexual chemistry in a relationship with a dear friend. It’s not a good choice to act on your sexual desire until you discover if your individual goals, qualities, values and vision for life and love are compatible long term, assuming you seek a lasting love.

It takes dating time to see if you might be best friends, best cheerleaders for each other in life and love.
It takes dating conversations to uncover compatibility or lack of it, to identify who’s a great match or not.

Unless you’re dating for sexual fun without a future, you don’t want to waste precious time dating players, casual daters, serial monogamists, or dating pioneers, who always move on to find greener trails and the rush of new conquests.

You do want to sort through these mismatches and choose dates who share your values and vision for a happy life. Observe whether their actions consistently align with your shared vision, or not, to know if you can trust them.

An example. Let’s say you both say you want to create a joyful, safe haven at home, but their frequent outbursts of rage conflict with that vision. You have choices. Accept it or change it. Ask your partner to use simple tools to manage anger and restore peace. If they’re not interested, you could move on to find a more compatible match.

You can’t find and figure out potentially serious issues within the first three dates. Religious beliefs aside, it doesn’t make sense to have sex that soon, because you produce feel-good brain chemicals during sex that can create a strong biological bond with an incompatible match.

The 3rd-date rule only makes sense to players and dead-end daters, who crave immediate pleasure before moving on to find new dating thrills. What’s the best way to identify them?

If you aren’t one of them, they won’t be attracted to you for long. You identify them when you tell them why you want to wait to become involved sexually, and then see how fast they disappear. It’s not personal. Be thankful you took a pass on a dead-end dating relationship that usually ends badly.

Whenever you move away from a mismatch, you move closer to a great love match, who wants to love and be loved the same way you do. Remember, the great love you’re seeking is seeking you. How do you find each other?

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Hadley Finch

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