In Parts one and two of this series, you discovered how to guarantee that you always get your goals, including finding true love. Now you’ll discover how to use this success formula to deal with difficult people at work or in your personal life. You’ll also learn how couples can revive sexual intimacy and passion in a long-term relationship in this summary of my radio discussion with Wendy Lipton-Dibner, author of Shatter Your Speed Limits – Fast Track Your Success and Get What You Truly Want In Business And In Life.
Let’s recap the 3-step success formula which guarantees you always get your goal:
Desire + Resources + Permission = Action
How can you use this formula to deal with difficult people who steal your joy or block your success?
A piece of the formula is to recognize what’s going on in your head. Our inner critic comes out when we deal with difficult people who often are difficult because they don’t have enough self esteem. Their inner critic makes you feel worse so they can feel better.
Your challenge is to flip it around. Rather than accept their invitation to feel bad, you make them feel better. The challenge is to nurture them in that moment. How?
You notice someone’s pain by saying, “Wow. Sounds like you’re having a tough, tough day.” When you offer empathy to a difficult person, it disarms them. They suddenly recoil rather than fight more.
If you are difficult on yourself yet nice to other people, then you can relieve that burden by smiling and asking your inner critic to go on vacation so you can feel better and be your own best friend.
You also can talk to your inner critic. Start a dialogue by asking, “Why are you doing this to me?” Say the first reason that comes to mind. Then explain why that reason doesn’t make sense and why it stops you from getting what you want. Now tell your inner critic how you’re going to change that.
During your inner dialogue, you may hear the voice of a strict parent blocking your joy or progress. You can say to yourself, “I am now in charge of my own life and I make my own rules.” Then make the choices and rules that serve you best.
You’ve given advice against conventional wisdom when you said that will power and affirmations cause us to fail. How so?
If you force yourself to always think positively, you are ill equipped to handle negativity or tough challenges that knock you down. That’s one way depression can happen quickly.
Understand that the only reason we get negative is because we are angry about something. When we ask ourselves what we’re angry about, then we can take effective action to deal with it realistically.
I often tell my online community that unattended hurt leads to anger. Often we’re angry because someone has told us No. If so, you need to find a way to deal with and feel better about that “No.” So you do something about it instead of covering up the hurt with a band aid of positive affirmations.
A common complaint I hear from men and women is that their sex life has grown dull or nonexistent in a long-term relationship. How does this formula help couples revive passion and sexual intimacy?
First step is to go through this formula as individuals. This makes sure you don’t lose yourself when you’re part of a couple because that’s when you lose your passion. Then go through the formula again as a couple.
Find out what you each want in your relationship (desire). Talk specifically about what has to happen to get your relationship where you want it to be (resources). Then discuss what needs to be said or done or what rules need to be changed to help you improve your relationship (permission). Now take those actions to fulfill your goals together.
When you explore the things you want and dream about in your life and find what rules are holding you back, just talking about this develops a profound intimacy that brings you closer as a couple.
How do you fast-track your success in life, at work or in relationships?
You always analyze your action formula first. Look at your desire, resources and permission and ask yourself what you are missing in any part of the formula. Once you identify what’s missing then you can fix it and take actions to get your goal rapidly.
What’s Hadley’s success tip for singles and couples who want to love deeply and live your dreams now?
Make a firm decision that you will never again settle for anything less that what you truly want in your business and in your love life. Once you make that decision and follow this success formula, notice how things begin to fall into place.
I encourage you to teach this success formula to your children so they get a head start on finding and living their dreams and creating better relationships for success and love.
Get all the happy, sexy love you desire,
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