In the previous post, you discovered how to detect lies that someone is telling you. Knowing the physical “tells” of dishonesty helps dating singles sort through lies, liars or mismatches. What other love skills do you need to identify your great love match?
Get the answers in highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with Dr. Ishmael Major.
Dr. Ish is a board-certified psychiatrist and infidelity expert, who’s helped thousands of men and women find happiness in their relationships. He wrote the book, Little White Whys – A Woman’s Guide Through The Lies Men Tell and Why.
Hadley: I like to help singles find a great love match and create an enchanting relationship. Before that’s possible, you say it’s important to understand that men and women have vastly different views when it comes to love and sex.
Dr. Ish: I often say that men and women speak a different language when it comes to relationships, and why exactly it is we’re there. The relationships that are magic, that are rock star spectacular, that’s when they both of you speak the same language and understand exactly why you’re here and it’s the same reason I’m here. Then move forward together.
Things don’t go so well, when someone isn’t 100 % honest about why they’re there.
Hadley: Or maybe they don’t even know why they’re there. They haven’t clarified what they want in a relationship.
Dr. Ish: So then it’s impossible to share why you’re there. That’s when things get off on the wrong foot and people start to feel unsure. Women start to say, “I don’t understand where he’s coming from.” That’s because he doesn’t know, or he doesn’t want you to know that.
Hadley: So it’s good to clarify things each step of the way, rather than wonder. It’s good to have the conversation and let the chips fall, rather than wondering and waiting and reading clues or imagining what the other person is thinking. It’s better to deal with it directly. If you don’t like the info you’re getting, it’s time to disengage and find a more compatible love match.
Dr. Ish: Right. Make a decision. The first secret of happy couples is to be transparent. This is why I’m here This is what I’m looking for. If that’s not what you’re looking for, great. There’s nothing wrong with meeting new great people.
Just because someone’s attractive, funny and has every quality you’d like in a mate, that doesn’t mean they’re looking for what you’re looking for. So you don’t have to date that person. “Oh they’re a great catch, but…”
The greatest catch has no buts. If it’s a square peg and a round hole, you can’t make it fit. If you’re not on same page, know it up front. Don’t waste your time, energy and effort only to be disappointed in the end.
Hadley: If a woman wants to find true love, do you ever advise her to make the first move with a man?
Dr. Ish: It was different 20, 30 to 50 years ago, when we believed the guy had to be the aggressor. There’s some truth that guys are genetically programmed to be the hunter and gatherer who pursues a woman to be his prize.
Today, there are many eligible men, who like a confident woman. She can come up to a man and say he’s the guy she wants.
Guys like that level of flattery as well. If it comes naturally to a woman to make the first move, then do it. If not, wait for him to be the aggressor. What you don’t want to happen is both of you connecting eyes, feeling attraction, but nobody makes a move.
Hadley: So if he doesn’t take action, she should or you may have forever lost the chance to meet.
Dr. Ish: My best friend was happily married for three years. His first day as a new doctor in Texas hospital, his future wife came up to him introduce herself. She said she was watching him and she’d like to get to know him. He liked it, because he always was the aggressor, the alpha male. When she out-alpha maled him, he loved it.
Hadley: So be flexible whether you’re a man or woman, and do what you feel comfortable with to get what you want. This can be different with each person you meet.
Dr. Ish: And remember that confidence is a great turn on for men. Confidence in who you are. Confidence in putting that out on table and not apologizing for it is irresistible to a man.
Hadley: What are four qualities that make women irresistible to men?
Find out in highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with Dr. Ish Major.
Get all the happy, sexy love you desire,