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How A Marriage Counselor Forced My Divorce

When my husband left me, after 20 something years of marriage, to date a 20-something woman, a “baby woman” I’d called her, we didn’t leave our marriage for dead at first. We agreed to see a highly-recommended marriage counselor.

Instead of guiding us to reconcile, our marriage counselor did everything he could to force a divorce. How?

Our counselor encouraged my husband to “follow his heart,” while he was deciding whether to stay with the baby woman or return home to me. At that time, my husband’s heart was captivated by the spell of Cupid’s Cocktails, feel-good brain chemicals the body produces when you fall in love with someone new. Because of that spell, I knew how he’d decide to “follow his heart,” and I was upset our counselor encouraged him to pursue his obsession.

Our counselor encouraged me to heal my broken heart and start a new life, instead of asking my husband to come back to me.

When I asked privately why he was against our reconciliation, he said that my husband would continue having affairs unless he really wanted to change and he got help to do so. Our counselor said that the best way to protect myself from even more heartbreak was to end my marriage and start a new life.

Not what I’d wanted to hear. I’d wanted my husband back, but I was in a physically weakened state, enduring what I’d perceived as the bad times I’d vowed to endure in marriage. I’d lost 20 pounds. I couldn’t sleep, and my heart felt like a pressure cooker ready to blow. I’d weighed my options. Should I save my life or my marriage? I took my marriage counselor’s advice and filed for divorce.

A decade later, I see my former husband being happy and loyal to his second wife, a lovely woman his own age. I occasionally wonder what might’ve happened to our marriage, if our counselor hadn’t forced our divorce. Or if he’d used the concept of “creative hopelessness” to prevent divorce.

How can “creative hopelessness” prevent divorce?

A counselor talks a couple out of divorce by challenging them to engage in an experiment with these instructions:

* Imagine you have a marriage in which divorce isn’t possible, it’s simply not an option.
* Ponder this marriage scenario for a few minutes.
* Embrace the idea that no matter how bad things get, you simply cannot divorce.
* Think about what you will do next, once you accept the hopeless situation as the truth.
* Give up trying to escape a marriage crisis through divorce.
* Inspire your mind to think more creatively of ways to manage a crisis and make your marriage work.
* Imagine things you’ll do, when you can’t get rid of the person who committed to live life with you.
* Choose to focus on all the frustrating dead ends and suffer for the rest of your life?
* Choose to change your mindset and take 100% responsibility for turning around your marriage?

With this mindset shift, you see that divorce is a failure of creativity.

You might be wondering, “Is creative hopelessness powerful enough to break the spell of Cupid’s Cocktails, when your mate falls in love with someone new?”

As often is the case, that spell wore off of my husband, who broke up with his baby woman months before we’d entered divorce court. So much damage had been done, and we had no clue how to fix it.

While my marriage was in crisis a decade ago, I didn’t know about creative hopelessness. How to use this love tool to rescue my marriage and take full responsibility to make it better than ever. I’ve spent the past decade researching love tools that bulletproof a marriage, even after infidelity.

What about you?

If you’re married, will you use this love tool to overcome mental blocks and marital challenges that cause half of married couples to divorce?

If you’re dating to find love, will you discuss this love tool with a potential match to determine if they’d be committed in good times and bad, to create a love built to last?

Are you curious how I healed the trauma of my divorce and created a new life I love?

I give you all the expert remedies you need to get over a breakup or avoid one in my book 911 Breakup Survival. Readers say it changes how you see lost love and your life in a few hours. Here’s a secret: The same remedies also rekindle romance and undying love in a marriage. So get your book and transform your love life now.

Get all the love and happiness you deserve,

Hadley Finch

P.S. Know someone who needs a creative way to save a marriage or get over a breakup? Be sure to share this news now by clicking SHARE and TWEET. They’ll appreciate your thoughtfulness.

About Hadley Finch

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