In Part 1, you discovered how to test compatibility and connection with a potential love match before you decide to meet in person. Now find out how to sort through mismatches and identify a great match in four hours or less.
Couples also learn to use these questions to deepen intimacy and get even closer to your romantic partner in highlights of my radio interview for A Lasting Love with Dr. Winn Henderson. He’s a retired physician, radio host, author of Intimate Connections plus 37 other books to help us build healthy bodies and happy lives.
Hadley: In your book, Intimate Connections, which you’re giving us as a gift, you suggest the best questions to ask a potential love match to test compatibility and build intimacy quickly. Couples could ask these questions over a bottle of wine to have some fun getting even closer to your romantic partner. Where do we start the intimate inquiry?
Dr. Winn: Some couples who haven’t talked about these issues before they get married, may find out years later that they don’t really know each other. It’s tragic to be together for decades without being intimate on many levels.
Hadley: That often happens when couples dive into sex before they get to know each other by developing all four types of intimacy. And three of them aren’t sexual. Let’s suggest the types of intimacy to develop before we add sex to the mix.
Dr. Winn: It’s important to develop four levels of intimacy in this order: general intimacy, emotional intimacy, spiritual intimacy and then physical intimacy.
Hadley: What do you mean by general intimacy?
Dr. Winn: This means overall things you need to know about another person to be intimate on general levels. Each person asks and answers questions about what they like or don’t like. Their deal breakers. Their physical attributes. Their health, financial, family situation. Their integrity issues, personal habits, personality types, and criminal history.
Hadley: I watched a couple discuss criminal history in the film, This Means War, as Reese Witherspoon asked her attractive date if he’s ever killed anyone. “Not lately,” he replied with gentle sarcasm. “Good,” she said, wanting to believe he’d never killed anyone. Yet we’d just watched him kill a dozen bad guys during his CIA mission. It’s a reminder to really hear what someone is telling you, without painting what you want to hear on their words.
Dr. Winn: If something doesn’t sound right when you discuss any topic, keep pursuing it until you get full disclosure. You pick up on long silences on the telephone, as someone searches for an answer. It’s a sign it may not be the truth. If you doubt someone’s honesty, you stop the survey and you don’t make plans to meet in person.
Hadley: Are you suggesting that you take this survey before you go out on a date with someone?
Dr. Winn: I won’t go out on a date with someone, unless we’ve gone through this survey by phone to test our connection. Chemistry is discovered when you meet in person.
Hadley: Or when you meet in live video chats in my dating site, you get to see each other and find out if you have enough chemistry to meet face to face. I’m wondering if it’s wise to present this extensive survey to someone until you’ve had some friendly conversations. Otherwise, it might overwhelm or turn off a potential match.
Dr. Winn: In today’s world, you’re usually meeting and chatting with someone on a dating site. They may live an hour away or several hours away. Why waste time and energy traveling to meet the wrong people? Before you get on a plane to meet, find out if you connect on many levels. And make sure you don’t have deal breakers, by taking this survey. I’m giving it to you at no charge.
Hadley: The survey helps you sort through mismatches and identify great matches before you decide to meet face to face. Yet, some people may feel this survey is too much work. How do you add some fun to the process?
Dr. Winn: You may perceive it as work, but it will be the best four hours you ever spend on the phone or on a video chat when it helps you find your great match.
Hadley: What if you come across deal breakers an hour into the survey?
Dr. Winn: Then you end the survey early by saying, “I wish you the best, yet I don’t see us as a great match long term.” Then there’s no point in meeting, if you’re dating to find love.
Hadley: This can be seen as a dating time saver, since the questions you’re asking in the survey reveal that you want to connect on many levels to build a great relationship. Have you ever had a near-perfect connection while doing this survey?
Dr. Winn: I recently had a 99 percent connection with a woman. When we met in person, we realized we didn’t have enough chemistry for a relationship.
Hadley: It’s not easy to find someone who connects on every cylinder with great chemistry, communication and kindness. That’s why we cherish our great love once we find each other.
Dr. Winn: You might find them in another part of the country on a dating site.
Hadley: We won’t let geography stand in the way of great love. What advice do you have for couples who want to get unstuck from a rut and revitalize their intimate connection?
Dr. Winn: No matter where you are in a relationship, it’s good to go over all the points in this survey so you connect on deeper levels and feel closer and more passionate about each other.
Hadley: And get instant FREE access to this intimacy survey as a gift from Dr. Winn, when you email him at Winn@WinnHenderson.com Include a Subject line: Free Book For Hadley’s Tribe. He’ll send you the digital book. If you like it, he asks you to post a comment at amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com.
And don’t waste valuable time dating the wrong people. Get 7 new ways to find great people to date, love and marry in my FREE report
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