Do you know why love is not enough to hold you in a romantic relationship? My former husband used this reasoning when he asked me for a divorce, and I thought he’d lost his mind. When author James Arthur Ray explains why love isn’t enough to hold a relationship together, I finally understand the reasoning and see it as an important Love Test. Can your relationship pass this Love Test?
In his Answers To Life’s 11 Most Burning Questions, author James Arthur Ray explains how he knew he was making the right decision when he broke up with a wonderful woman because “love wasn’t enough”.
James says each decision we make is the right one as long as you keep learning and growing from your decision. Most of us don’t recognize that each decision we make is based on our core values, so it’s important to examine and know your core values.
How do you discover your core values?
The things you feel good about when you experience them are aligned with your core values. If you feel bad, then you’re out of alignment with your values. James advises you to trust these feelings and be aware of your core values in each area of your life, including your health, fitness, finances, etc.
How do you find your core values in a relationship?
James says he analyzed his values in great depth when he chose to get out of a relationship that was very loving, and then he realized love wasn’t enough. As a spiritual thought leader who travels the world seeking spiritual answers, James discovered that spirituality and common interests were his top two core values for a romantic relationship, followed by love which he ranked third.
Here is James’ reasoning:
Do we have common interests, values and support beyond love? Because if we do, we have a greater likelihood of a long-term relationship and connectivity than if we have love alone.
I call this a Love Test for compatibility.
Do you see why it’s important to uncover your core values in your relationships, and in each area of your life?
It gives you a powerful opportunity to understand your experiences and make better choices.
This new awareness or Love Test for compatibility may prevent you from entering a dating relationship if you know from the start that your core values are not shared or supported. Why proceed when you know that a painful break up will be the outcome of your connection? What would you learn that you don’t already know?
What if you are in a marriage or relationship which lacks support of your core values?
Now you may understand the reasons for your restless desire to find a love match with common interests and core values.
Whether you act on your desire to move on may depend on the amount of pain you may cause your loved ones if you break up a family. Avoiding this pain and honoring a commitment are reasons why many people stay in marriages or long relationships when you feel mis-matched.
If this is what you have chosen to do, ask yourself and your partner how you can show support and add some fun to your relationship. Find new hobbies or interests you can enjoy together as a way to spark up your relationship.
Dedicated to your relationship happiness,