Is it wise or risky to trust your feelings in your relationship or when you choose a love match? I asked this question of Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, a renowned relationship coach and author, during our radio interview.
Dr. Shoshanna said that we often confuse intense feelings and infatuation with genuine love, and that’s a big block to love.
Why can’t we trust feelings as a love test?
You can’t depend on feelings as a test of love. Just having lots of feelings doesn’t mean you’re experiencing love. Feelings are energy forms that come and go and float away like clouds. If you lack strong feelings in a quiet lull, it doesn’t mean you’ve lost love. Nor do intense feelings mean you’re in love. Feelings constantly fluctuate.
What is the best Test for true love?
The best test is consistent loving actions which inspire loving feelings. Loving words without loving actions are a sign of counterfeit love.
“People say, ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you’. That’s all nonsense,” Dr. Shoshanna said. “You can feel angry or hurt or bored and still love someone.”
When negative feelings arise, some of us run in fear or give up on the relationship. I often advise my online community to see negative feelings as a wake up call for positive action and growth as individuals and as a couple.
Doctor Shoshanna agreed and added, “When what seems like negative feelings get turned up, that’s a time for you to work through issues and grow in ways that deepen love. When we get married it’s not because we’re at the peak of love. It’s because we are with someone who will teach us how to love.”
That notion is worth exploring. I’d like you to imagine that your relationship is a classroom in which you and your partner take turns being a teacher and student of love. Now silently ask yourselves these questions and then share your answers with your partner:
What love tests am I giving and receiving in my relationship?
Are they realistic tests or impossible to pass by any mere mortal?
What love lessons am I learning?
Am I mastering them so I don’t have to repeat them over and over?
What loving actions am I doing every day to demonstrate my love?
What is blocking me from doing more loving actions?
How can I find a win-win way to break through that block to love?
When you and your partner share your answers honestly, you’ll know where you stand and the work you need to do if you want to love deeply and live your dreams now.
And I’d like to give you all the relationship success tools you need to bulletproof a relationship or recruit your perfect match if you’re single, and build better relationships with everyone in your life when you begin your exciting program at http://GreaterSuccessAndLove.com
Love deeply and live your dreams now,