“Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for
the brief hour of its duration.”
In his quote, D. H. Lawrence had confused love with lust, which often fades away after the brief hour of its duration.
Most serial lovers seek a continuous yet fleeting rush of lust, leaving one partner after it fades and moving on to a new lover who makes their senses swim with pleasure for a while. Most Hollywood couples are equally confused when they enter a marriage while captivated by the spell of lust, not genuine love.
How do you tell the difference?
The spell of lust feels like the initial rush of Cupid’s Cocktails, the feel-good brain chemicals that make us fall for a lover. This elated rush is fleeting. After its brief hour of duration, the lovers wake up from its spell and wonder what’s left to hold them together as a couple. That’s why most Hollywood marriages begin gloriously and die quickly, like the lifespan of plucked flower.
A striking exception is Woody Allen’s controversial marriage to his actual daughter figure, Soon-Yi, the adopted daughter of Woody’s former long-term girlfriend, Mia Farrow. After Woody and Mia broke up, Soon-Yi moved in with Woody, breaking the heart of her mother, Mia, and the rest of their family.
Woody publicly defended this relationship with Soon-Yi by saying, “The heart wants what the heart wants.”
Somehow, Woody and Soon-Yi have made their relationship work throughout 13 years of marriage thus far. Does this justify the heartbreak their union has caused in everyone who loved them?
I’m not passing judgment. I’m wondering if you should trust your heart’s desires in every case. I’m suggesting the questions you ask yourself while under the spell of lust will be different from questions you ask from a place of genuine love. To find out the difference, take this simple love test:
When your heart’s desires bring you happiness but cause pain and heartbreak in those you love, what choice will you make?
Would you have that affair knowing how hurtful it could be to your mate or children?
If you keep breaking vows, breaking up and breaking hearts in serial relationships, does this nourish your heart or others?
When you place your heart’s desires ahead of those who love and trust you, does this support your heart and well being?
Will you consider the higher good and well being of your loved ones before you decide to pursue your heart’s desires?
Will the choice you make under the fleeting spell of lust be different from the choice you make out of genuine, enduring love?
As you decide whether to trust all of your heart’s desires and how to act upon them, I encourage you to keep genuine love in your heart. A decision without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.
Love deeply and live your dreams now,