Each year, 2 million people search online for help with a Mid-Life Crisis. Here’s the help you need to have a quick, world-class mid-life crisis simply by avoiding the 3 worst mistakes and learning what to do instead, as revealed in this summary of my radio chat for A Lasting Love with Dike Drummond M.D. He’s a family physician who’s experienced two mid-life crises and wrote the blueprint for a quick, classy crisis in 3 Hour Mid-Life Crisis
HF: You’ve said that making a major decision can be considered a mid-life crisis in a good way, not necessarily a self-destructive way. Let’s talk about the men and women who do things that can ruin a relationship, a career, a perfectly good life as you know it. When someone feels a relentless yearning for new pleasure and appreciation before they die, what are some mistakes to avoid–assuming you don’t want to self destruct or hurt those you love most?
DD: I help people avoid making 3 common, dysfunctional mistakes in any aspect of their life, not just relationships:
One mistake is having a frozen crisis–when you want to make a change yet you don’t do anything about it. You’re at a cusp of decision, yet you don’t make the decision.
A second mistake is having a “burn it to the ground” crisis. This often follows years of a frozen crisis where you don’t make the decisions or changes that you truly want. So you get fed up and just walk away from it all.
A third is the Ferrari Syndrome, when a person mistakes pleasure with fulfillment. They often burn it to the ground and leave things in ashes during their search for pleasure.
HF: They often discover that some pleasure is fleeting when you speed off in your flashy sports car or trade in a perfectly good mate for a newer model.
DD: That’s because wanting to take your life on a different path to get different results actually is a spiritual crisis. What you seek is to create a relationship or life that has more meaning and fulfillment, not just pleasure.
HF: You experience a lasting pleasure when you find more meaning and fulfillment of your life purpose. How do you convince someone to recognize this when they’re in the midst of a relentless pursuit of pleasure?
DD: I don’t convince anyone to do or believe anything. I help people notice that what they think is a problem is only a problem when you compare it to something else. What you’re comparing it to usually is a dream. You can focus on a dream of what you want and make it happen, instead of focusing on what you don’t want like most of us do.
HF: When your marriage breaks up in mid-life, you may grieve the death of the dream of being grandparents together and growing old together. That dream may have died, yet you can feel comfort in knowing you can create an even better dream and take steps each day to make it happen. What advice do you have for someone who starts dating during their mid-life crisis?
DD: In my personal experience of post-divorce dating, I found that initially you may seek someone else to make you feel desirable and happy. In reality, that’s your job. So just enjoy dating and meeting new people, without making any long-term commitments you’ll regret once you’ve grown through your crisis.
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P.S. Know someone who’d like help with a mid-life crisis? Be sure to share these tips now by clicking SHARE and TWEET. I appreciate you!