Modern dating is broken because we have moved away from the traditional and natural progression of romance. Learn how to use the classic pursuit of love to spark enduring chemistry in happy relationships, with America’s favorite Rabbi and relationship expert as your romantic guide.
What is the best way to spark enduring chemistry in a dating relationship?
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, best-selling author of 20 books on inspired relationships, explained the ideal dating process during an interview by the President of JDate, a premier online dating service. Rabbi Shmuley’s advice transcends religious boundaries and touches the heart of singles seeking lasting love in happy relationships. I’ve summarized the classic dating process for you now:
Rabbi Shmuley says that the classic dating process works best when a man starts a relationship in a masculine way through flirting, pickup lines, setting the pace and progress of romance.
As the relationship progresses, men traditionally become more romantic and intimate. This natural progression from masculine to feminine qualities in both partners is what helps a couple create a nurturing home environment in an enduring relationship. Our modern dating process is the source of troubled relationships.
What’s wrong with our modern dating process?
Rabbi Shmuley says that we’ve reversed this natural progression. It’s now become the feminine progressing to the masculine, meaning that women are chasing men these days. He says women come across as a bit desperate and very lonely.
If you go to almost any American university campus, you’ll discover it’s the women who chase the men for sex. It’s the men who have the pick of the litter. So, the net result is that it’s the women chasing the men, which means the men get bored. There’s no thrill of the chase and there’s no excitement. It’s the wrong order of things.
How can we correct the modern dating process?
Rabbi Shmuley suggests that we return to the dating process that works. That process is known as Courtly Love,
invented by Eleanor of Aquitaine (mother of Richard the Lionheart) in the Courts of Provence in the 12th century.
What are the principles of courtly love?
A woman sees herself as a little bit of a prize.
She believes in her feminine gift and feminine charm.
She begins to trust a man only after he proves himself to her.
She opens up to him physically only after he ennobles himself on her behalf.
A woman expects gentlemanly actions from a man.
What are gentlemanly actions in a modern man?
* A man pays for the date.
Whether it’s out for Starbucks or a 4 star restaurant, a man will not allow a woman to go dutch because paying her way doesn’t let him make an effort to show his appreciation.
*A man uses his best manners on a date.
He silences his cell phone and refrains from looking at his blackberry when he is on a date.
He behaves with the same courtesy and manners as if he were interviewing for a job.
He works to win a woman’s heart and respect.
*A man expresses healthy self confidence and a great sense of humor and excitement with his date.
*A man won’t expect a woman to have sex until he has engendered emotional intimacy and captured her heart.
How will a man’s gentlemanly actions change a modern woman’s dating behavior?
Researchers tell us that one in three American women currently have sex on the first date, thinking they owe a man something for buying their dinner. A woman saying NO or making it clear that sex is not going to happen is not being manipulative. Having sex with a man you barely know is.
Rabbi Shmuley advises women to follow these dating strategies:
*Spend as much time reading a newspaper as standing in front of the mirror preparing for a date.
*Be more unavailable, not in an intentional, manipulative way. But to honor a woman’s natural instincts to trust men after they have proven themselves to be trustworthy.
*Have a clear view of what you ultimately want in a relationship. Some women love to date bad boys who break the rules, but they hate being married to one. If character, love of family, commitment are important in your relationship, choose a date with those qualities.
*Mention that love is something that you cherish and value; it’s not something that’s cheap or easily given away.
*Make it clear that you’re available to a man who has a rich understanding and commitment towards the subject of romance and love. Then let courtly love unfold in your dating relationship.
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Love deeply, be healthy and live your dreams now,