Are you dating many people at once without connecting on deep levels with anyone? Are you nourished by a feast of romantic fun without a meaningful future with a partner? If so, you might as well continue to feed your cravings for a dating binge and wait to read this article until you’re hungry for the full meal deal.
If you’re ready to stop a dating binge and choose love, then continue reading.
First you will find out what yearnings your dating binge has satisfied in you. Then you will satisfy these yearnings by consciously choosing to find love with an intimate partner who will help you create a happy relationship. Here are 5 ways to do this:
1. Identify the common traits that you’re attracted to in your dates.
Start out with superficial traits like physical appearance, fitness, style of dress, street address, social status, shared interests, education and career path. Are you drawn to the same superficial qualities in most of your dates? Or are you attracted to different “types”?
2. Uncover the reasons you feel great chemistry with your dates.
Are you turned on by positive personality traits like wit, wisdom, world views? Is their humor, playful spirit or sensuality a big turn on for you? This positive chemistry can help you co-create a fun relationship.
Do your dates have similar negative traits as any of your childhood caretakers? If so, your great chemistry could draw you to your Imago–people who trigger your old childhood wounds so that you can heal them together by making healthier choices as an adult.
Relationship expert and author, Orville Hendrix, coined the term, Imago. Hendrix suggested it’s best to choose a match who is willing to stop hurtful, dysfunctional behavior that attracted you to each other, as you each do the work to heal your old wounds. This is how your relationship will thrive.
What if your partner won’t do the growth work with you?
Since you can’t change anyone but you, conflicts may occur when your Imago resists emotional work and growth needed to heal the past and create a happy present and future.
You either can choose to accept a combative connection that’s stuck in the same old issues. Or you can part amicably to find a more contented, compatible love match who supports your well being.
3. Decide to choose your best love match based on their positive qualities and actions, instead of on your feelings.
Are you resisting the idea of placing feelings on a back burner while you choose your best partner? Give it a go anyway by doing this experiment.
Make a list of all the essential qualities you desire in your best love match. Examples are kind-hearted honesty, courage, loyalty, financial stability, healthy in body-mind-spirit, playful and fun, a dedicated parent, honors promises, maintains positive attitudes and actions which include the practice of forgiveness. Jot down any other qualities that are important to you.
Since like attracts like, ideally you already possess the qualities you desire in your mate, so they will be attracted to you for the same reasons.
4. Begin the sorting process by making quick dates for coffee or lunch and by consciously asking questions about the qualities you seek.
Ask what your date is looking for, so you find out if they’re feeding a dating binge or seeking the full meal deal.
Ask what love lessons they learned from a past relationship. If they can’t think of one, they’re not on a path of personal growth.
Ask them what a happy relationship looks like to them, since what you see will be. Do you like the view?
Ask what makes them angry and how they deal with it. Anger issues need treatment or they can destroy a relationship. If your date acts defensive, like they’re being interrogated, then they may not be willing to work through their issues or develop deep intimacy in a relationship.
When you meet a match who has most or all of the qualities you seek and share, only then will you agree to meet again.
5. Grow your friendship first and give it a chance to catch fire.
Develop a friendship with your match who has the excellent qualities you seek and share, before you add sex to the mix.
Falling in love as friends may lack the dating worries or emotional combat you’re used to with your Imago, because you won’t have old issues to resolve. This is your chance to start fresh as a healthy adult and learn gentle, joyful love lessons while you let love grow and bloom.
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Love deeply and live your dreams now,