In the first two parts of our series, you identified attractions that lead to love or not, and you broke through your childhood myth of lost love so you are able to choose your best love match. Now you’ll discover how to identify your core gifts as a shortcut to find true love fast and create intimacy in a relationship, in this summary of my radio interview for A Lasting Love with Ken Page. A psychotherapist who writes for Psychology Today, Ken Page also is founder of deeperdating.com – workshops and events for singles committed to deeper values.
Ken Page: Your life and your dating life will change when you recognize your core gifts. They’re not talent nor skills, but places you feel most deeply. It may not be a peaceful place, but a place you’ve been hurt the most.
Hadley Finch: How do you identify your core gifts?
Ken Page: Ask yourself a question: What quality in me feels more like a curse than a gift? For example, the quality of loyalty can be a curse if you’re loyal to someone who consistently hurts you.
Remember, you have the right to be a warrior and only be with people who honor your core gifts and appreciate your most tender self, which is the source of heart, soul and inspiration.
Hadley Finch: How do you know when it’s emotionally safe to reveal your tender self and core gifts to a potential match?
Ken Page: Most of us have been hurt in that spot, so we don’t live in that center of our gifts. If you move too far away from it, you may go into despair, depression and isolation.
When you start living in your gift zone, where you’re connected to your heart, it doesn’t mean you’ll always be happy. It means you’ll have a deep humanity and creativity when you’re in your core zone. That’s where magic happens.
When you start leading with that part of you, it’s important to watch who deserves it and who doesn’t.
Develop and eye for inspiration. When you only date people who see and appreciate your core gifts and qualities, then your dating life changes.
Hadley Finch: So if you focus more on your own core gifts, you will be more attracted to a love match who appreciates and honors them.
Ken Page: Yes that’s step one. Another step is to cultivate friends who see your gifts and treasure them. That’s how you learn to love your core gifts, too. Here’s a good example of this–
An East African Tribe considers the moment of conception to be when a mother feels the presence of her child in her. Then she goes down to the river and listens for the song of her child. When she hears it, she learns it. And she teaches the song to her husband and to the midwife. Then the baby is born hearing the song of his gifts. The whole village learns their song. And in troubled times in this child’s life as they grow up, the village sings this child their song to remind them of their core gifts.
Hadley Finch: What a beautiful tradition. Imagine your life when the people in it remind you of your song, and love your song, as you love their song. Isn’t that the ultimate happiness?
Ken Page: That’s it, baby. Only let people who give that to you into your dating life or life partnerships. Find a dating buddy who knows your song and appreciates it, who’s also single and goes on this journey with you. Get together and laugh and share details and coach each other on your dating journey to enjoy your search for your love match.
Hadley Finch: And you can find Ken Page online at deeperdating.com And look for our dating mastermind in which single men and women seeking love celebrate each others core gifts and help each other–
Get all the happy, sexy love you desire,