Earlier in our series, you discovered how to make divorce cost you less, avoid the worst mistakes and follow the golden rule of dating after divorce. Now find out how to heal trauma of lost love before you love again in Part 4 highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with two successful divorcees.
Carolyn Ellis, My Divorce Resource Kit (buy at a 30% discount using code: LOVE) and Debbie S. Gibson Make Your Divorce Cost You Less join me in explaining how to see a devastating divorce as the doorway to a great new life.
Hadley: It took me a while to see the devastating pain of lost love as my wake-up call to open the doorway to the spiritual and creative realm. I found my path out of pain when I stopped blaming my former husband for our breakup. And started seeing the love lessons I could learn from him.
Then I consciously chose to learn the love lessons, so I didn’t have to repeat them in a new relationship. And I gave silent thanks to my former husband for teaching me what I needed to learn from our marriage and our breakup to grow into the wiser, more loving me. With my new attitude and with gratitude, I felt I had no one to blame and nothing to forgive. That was the secret of how my former husband and I could remain friendly co parents to our children, who now are happily launched.
So by learning my love lessons, by taking 100 % responsibility for my own life, I stopped being the victim and start being the creator of the new life and the new me that I love. Do either of you have a tip to use your divorce to transform your life?
Carolyn: It’s good to turn your divorce from viewing it as a failure and using it as a launching pad, like you did, Hadley. I did this and I encourage divorcing people to ask better questions. Instead of asking, Why Me? ask yourself, “Where is the gift in this for me? What wisdom am I to learn in this?”
It’s a really challenging part of your soul curriculum. You just had a unit, disappointment, betrayal, breaking apart. There’s another unit coming. So ask yourself better questions.
Going through my divorce, I got a change to shake dust out of my system, get in driver’s seat and create a life that I didn’t know was possible. It helped become the woman I am today and expand so much. It improved my relationship with my children, which has so much more depth and connection than before. It’s a huge wake up call. If you don’t answer it, a stronger one is coming. It’s a chance to harvest the wisdom, and decide who you are, what you want, how you want to show up in the world. Now I wouldn’t trade this for anything.
Hadley: Looking back, it’s hard to believe when you’re grieving divorce, that you will grow to see it as a gift for you and your children, when you see it as a chance for creative and emotional growth, and growth as a parent and lover. Debbie, what’s your advice for someone who’s newly separated.
Debbie: Treat yourself well and treat others appropriately. If you’re separating, you don’t know how this will end up. In major life changes, usually you end up in a better place. So you must keep possibilities in your mind. You have control over how you feel about a thing. So open up the box, start thinking about what you want to do. Don’t let divorce or separation be a drag. Find time every day to think good thoughts.
Hadley: And revive your dreams and take action on them every day. Fall in love with the person you are and the person you are becoming. Carolyn do you have a parting tip?
Carolyn: Find that place of love, compassion and patience for yourself and stay in the driver’s seat. There are great resources to help you though this At the end of day, everyone has opinion of what you should do. But ultimately you decide. You are the driver of your own car.
Hadley: So make it a joy ride in a happy car, because this is your one and only life. If you’re going through sadness, it can be glorious sadness. If you find the love lessons, you find the joy. This is how you see divorce as a wake up call to create an extraordinary new life and new you.
Want to hear the entire radio conversation for A Lasting Love with Carolyn Ellis and Debbie S. Gibson? Click here.
Want to hear my radio show theme song, In Love Again? It helps you heal breakup blues and fall in love again. To hear the song, click this link now. Theme Song-In Love Again-Heals Breakup Blues
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