I had an ideal marriage for twenty years — enjoying a great love life, being a corporate wife, raising a happy family, expressing my creativity and supporting worthy causes in our community.
I believed a marriage nurtured by daily acts of kindness, tender communication and a healthy lifestyle would happily survive until death parted us. I admit that I’d often complained how my husband’s relentless career demands had kept us apart, yet I still sensed we were riding off into the sunset together. So I was blindsided at the crossroads where he chose a different fork in the road. It was my greatest love test.
How did my ideal marriage fail?
In several years since divorce, I’ve done much soul-searching to uncover the true cause of our break up. I’ve reflected on the issues we used during our hotly-contested blame game and realized that no one can ever win it.
The love lessons I’d tried to force on my husband were only meant for me. And this holds true for him.
Once you accept instead of fight this, you take 100 percent responsibility for things you said, did or failed to say or do during your relationship. When you learn your own love lessons from your break up, you don’t have to repeat these issues because your new awareness helps you make better choices in your next relationship.
With over half of US marriages ending in divorce, how can you believe in love that lasts for a lifetime?
I don’t believe that love never dies–I know it’s true.
Love may change forms, from passionate to platonic love, as it does when marriage partners break up but remain loving co-parents to their children and caring friends to each other. This is the ideal to strive for, because it keeps your families healthy and happy even while living in separate homes.
What if you want your marriage to thrive for a lifetime?
It is absolutely possible when you see your marriage with new eyes. Here is the guidance I needed to correct my vision.
While in the midst of my painful breakup, my perceptive life coach told me that our souls may have learned all we could learn from each other, and that my husband’s reasons for leaving me may have had very little to do with me.
This was shocking news that I didn’t want to hear at the time, because I still wanted to reunite with my husband. It took me several years to gradually understand how this is true. Also, I’ve learned how you can continue growing together as a couple instead of growing apart, when you know and use this secret.
What is a secret to successful marriages that thrive for a lifetime?
Once you see yourself and your mate as a lifelong team who have come together to accomplish great things, then you commit to your mutual soul growth that nourishes a lasting love in a healthy relationship. This is how couples can recover from devastating relationship challenges like Tiger Woods and his wife are enduring as I write this.
My wish is that love lessons I learned from my divorce will help you rekindle the soul and spark passion in your relationship.
My gift for you is the song I wrote during my break up when I realized how my marriage died with its SONG UNSUNG.
And you’ll get smart love tips in my podcasts, articles and novel with songs, TRIBE OF BLONDES. Not a hair color, it’s a resilient optimistic spirit that unites us and creates happy relationships.
And if you’re single and seeking your best love match, I invite you to enjoy a free month’s membership in our Singles Club. No more blind dates, since you’ll meet the savvy Tribe Of Singles in cozy video chats, book discussions and singles travel for every budget.
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Dedicated to your dating and relationship happiness,