Women can stop blaming themselves for a breakup, because the reasons a man leaves may have nothing to do with the woman he’s leaving. What kind of men leave? What are a man’s main needs in relationships? What avoidable mistakes cause breakups? Can the Turnaround Procedure make a man stay in a relationship?
Get the answers in highlights of my radio interview with Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, popular psychologist and author of many best-selling books on relationships, including Why Men Leave.
What are the top reasons why men leave?
It’s important to understand a man’s psychology to know why he stays or leaves a relationship. Here are the most common reasons he leaves:
* He’s seeking a perfect partner
Many men in mid-life wonder how much time they have left and they feel a restless yearning for a fantasy person, the perfect partner who makes his life perfect.
A man thinks he’ll be happy when he finds this perfect person. The truth is no one else can make you happy, and the perfect person doesn’t exist. Pursuing this illusion breaks up many good relationships, so it’s wise for a man to get guidance through these yearnings when it becomes prominent.
* He’s afraid of commitment
Most men want to commit but their fear is this particular woman is wrong for him. When he finds a woman who’s really right for him and she meets his basic needs, not fantasy needs, then he’s usually eager to commit.
He’s usually afraid to commit to woman who suffocates him or closes his options in life. This comes up when a woman doesn’t trust him to lead his own life. Alternately, true love gives space and allows each partner to grow and explore .
* He hears the call of adventure
Many guys see women as a challenge to win her, conquer her and prove he’s still attractive and desirable. That’s a substitute adventure for the greater ones that lead to growth, like a new job, a new travel opportunity, meeting new people, taking on new projects, and developing intimacy and love with your partner.
* He fears he can never satisfy her
This is the top reason why men leave. Often women blame a man for what he’s doing wrong, instead of complimenting him and expressing thanks for everything he’s doing right. Blaming crushes a man’s basic need to be appreciated.
A man is wired to do his job. He feels his job is to satisfy his woman, and he will leave a woman who doesn’t express appreciation.
If a woman begins to share positive feelings and tell him what he’s doing right every day, he’ll feel safe, accepted and pleased he’s making his woman happy and doing his job.
What if a man leaves or threatens to leave? How do you use a Turnaround procedure to make him stay?
Everything that’s really powerful is simple. So is the Turnaround Procedure.
First, you set up a scene with your partner to discuss the circumstances that are troubling you.
Then you play his part and talk about the issue from his point of view. And he also speaks from your point of view.
This exercise gives you chance to compare your views of a situation with your partners’ by thinking their thoughts, seeing through their eyes, feeling their feelings and walking in their shoes. You get a compassionate understanding of each other, which can clear up misunderstandings that block love.
This turnaround-role reversal can be done at home. It is best to do it when both of you are feeling calm instead of in a stressed moment. If you’re working through hot, heavy issues, you may want a counselor or therapist to observe you and your partner doing the turnaround procedure and guide you to a win-win resolution.
Usually when we face obstacles or feel stuck, we’re so absorbed in ourselves, our wants and needs, that we don’t consider what’s best for our partner. The Turnaround changes that.
Will it make a man turnaround in hard times instead of leave?
If he understands that hard times are a gift that inspires change. It’s a time to grow and love more, not run away. It’s tough when a man leaves without giving you an opportunity to grow by facing challenges together.
If a relationship is too dysfunctional or hurtful, it may be best to end it for your well being. Yet you still can use the turnaround procedure to gain a healing compassion for each other and part with a lot of respect, love and thankfulness.
Using the Turnaround can rekindle positive feelings between you two, regardless if you’re ending or mending your relationship.
Get all the happy, sexy love you desire,