Are you recovering from losing your beloved partner through death, divorce or breakup of a relationship? Are you seeking ways to get through grief and get ready to love again?
Grieving women and men get the helping hand you need to release the sorrow of lost love and feel more loved and loveable in your new life in part 1 highlights of my radio interview for A Lasting Love with Carole Brody Fleet, a young widow who wrote about her grief recovery in the books, Widows Wear Stilettos and Happily Even After.
Hadley: Learning to live happily after suffering a devastating loss is among that most important lessons that can ever be taught. Let’s help grieving men and women move through the anguish of being ‘half’ and into the life-changing comfort of feeling whole again by sharing your story. You were slammed to your knees in grief when you were widowed at 40 and left to pay off huge debts and raise your young child alone. How did you get through the grieving phase?
Carole: The moment my husband, Mike, passed away, I was hit with a ton of bricks, emotionally and financially. I was left with insurmountable debts from medical expenses to care for my husband while he was dying from Lou Gehrig disease. The only way I had prepared myself for his death was doing the paperwork. I was not prepared for dealing with feelings of grief and loss.
Hadley: Yet you found ways to heal grief, and you wrote about this in Widows Wear Stilettos. How did you change your sad old flats for sexy stilettos on your journey from heartbreak to happiness?
Carole: Widows Wear Stilettos title came from a lucid moment at Mike’s very grand funeral, which police officers get. When the honor guard gave me the flag from his casket, it hit me that I was a widow. I thought, “I can’t be a widow. I wear 5 inch heals, I drink martinis, and I listen to heavy metal music. I had a stereotypical image of what a widow should be. My book says that image is wrong. Widows come in all ages, from all walks, with unique stories to tell.
Hadley: That’s also true for men who’ve lost their spouse. Let’s talk about how you healed your broken heart, reinvented your life and eventually started dating again. How did you deal with the ebbing and flowing pain of grief?
Carole: For the first two weeks, I stayed on the couch in my penguin pink flannel pajamas, unable to get up. And that’s okay. You must embrace grief or it will come back to bite you later. That’s not an if, it’s a guaranteed promise.
Hadley: It’s best to face the pain instead of numbing it with meds or alcohol, or escaping it in unhealthy ways. Grieving is a time for solitary reflection and discoveries you make about wrapping up that relationship and taking care of yourself self during a painful rebirth.
Carole: Destructive behavior is never okay. Nor is compulsive sexual behavior or gambling or shopping.
Hadley: Some people shut out other people, instead of reaching out to make heart connections with supportive family, friends. How do we start our healing process?
Carole: First you must make a conscious, pro-active choice to heal. Sitting around and waiting to feel better doesn’t help you. Just by being here, we are entitled to abundance, love and happiness. So you must decide, “I am going to get better. I am going to start healing now. I’m going to do whatever it takes to do it.”
Hadley: When you go on a new journey, you usually need skills and road maps to get there. You take little steps day by day on your journey. One helpful step is to do this exercise: Take a photo of your departed loved one into a private room, where no one can disturb you. Place their photo on a table or chair and then talk to them. Tell them how you’re feeling without them. Tears may flow, anger may bubble up, and that’s okay. Let it go. This helps you say and do things to heal your heart and wrap things up after they’re gone. What steps did you take through grief your stilettos?
Carole: I started being proactive and using proactive coping tools by getting my hands on every single book, audio, cd, dvd, or support group for grief recovery. Find what speaks to you and follow those exercises.
Hadley: Bathe yourself in great ideas that soothe your heart and let you see your loss and your life with new eyes.
Carole: As soon as I took those steps, I felt in control for the first time since my husband died. I was in charge of my steps in the process of healing. You take conscious ownership of your healing journey. It belongs to you, as long as you don’t hurt others on the way. Don’t listen to people who say, “It’s been six months and you should be over it.” Or, “It’s only been six months and you took off your ring. Didn’t you love him?”
Hadley: Everyone has their own timeline to get through grief. Men and women each feel grief and use the same coping skills to get through it.
Carole: Men often jump into a new relationship sooner than women. I encourage men and women to wait a little to get to know who you are post loss.
Hadley: How soon is too soon to start dating to find love?
Get the answer in part two highlights of my conversation with Carol on A Lasting Love. Or listen to it here:
And I help you get over the pain of lost love and get back on the happiness track where you belong in my new book, 911 Breakup Survival-The Fastest, Surest Remedies To Heal Heartbreak and Get All The Love and Happiness you deserve. Don’t suffer another moment. Get my book and start reading now.
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