Imagine you’re meeting a potential love match for a first date at a neighborhood coffee shop where you drink out of real cups with saucers.
After taking your first sip, you smile and say to your date, “Coffee tastes much better in real cups instead of disposables, which shed toxic chemicals into your hot drink which end up in your body. Is that why you suggested we meet here?”
Your date just sits there, staring in his cup for 30 or 40 seconds, making you wonder if you’ve shocked or offended him, if he’s intimidated, shy or simply not interested in avoiding toxins in everyday life.
A whole minute passes before he breaks the silence by saying, “I like to drink coffee in china or glass mugs. I’m glad you appreciate the taste and health benefits. What other healthy choices do you make?”
Without hesitating, I said, “I use R/O purified and re-mineralized water for cooking, drinking and showering to avoid breathing in, soaking in or ingesting heavy metals, fluoride, chlorine or prescription drugs that people pee into our public water supply. How do you limit chemicals in food, air, water, homes, daily life?”
Again, his eyes looked for answers in his coffee for a quiet pause, making me wonder if I went overboard with the pee comment, or if I threw a blanket of toxic gloom over our first date conversation. Impatiently, I suggested, “Shall we switch to a happier topic?”
My words startled him. He re-grounded his gaze in his coffee, which he swirled by turning his cup slowly, without spilling a drop. “Was that exercise more intriguing to him than having a conversation with me?” I wondered silently.
He must have seen my puzzled look when he looked up and said,”You’ve asked me two questions that deserve thoughtful answers. Have you heard of the 60 second rule in conversation?”
“Let me guess. When I ask you a question, you wait 60 seconds before you answer–to keep me in suspense?”
His brown eyes crinkled into a big smile. After exploring my eyes for a tender minute, he said, “You’re right. We pause 60 seconds before answering a question, because it increases the likelihood our answer will include reflection, an examination of our motive, and a thoughtful choice of tone that creates a wise, honest response without adding pain to any situation. Your thoughts?”
I stopped myself from blurting my first thought by taking long, slow breaths. A minute later, I still believed my insight was worth sharing. “I call that kind-hearted honesty,” I said. “It’s speaking your truth without causing pain. Being honest is not an excuse to say hurtful things. Is your motive a desire to help, to make something better? Or to put down, show off, twist the truth?”
The way he nodded agreement stirred up a sexy vibe in the quiet moment before he said, “By waiting a minute to speak, you can discover why you want to say something and how it will affect the other person. Will the circle of communication improve the silence or not?”
Setting her mental stopwatch for 60 seconds, she gave him a glimpse of mind space behind the mask of words, where all is well and as it should be in each moment. She felt seen and appreciated by him. She enjoyed being present in all of her senses. “How do you improve the silence while speaking from your heart and soul?” she asked.
He placed his hand over hers, arousing a sense of being intimate friends without saying another word.
Will you test the 60 second rule to see if it improves the silence in your dating conversations? It also builds intimacy with your mate and helps you–
Get all the happy, sexy love you desire,
See how couples enjoy ultimate intimacy in Happy Sexy Love APP Issue 9–available in iTunes and Google Play App Stores.