Earlier in our series, you discovered politically-incorrect secrets of red-hot sex that lovers of Fifty Shades of Grey understand, but feminists don’t. You learned to use feminine power to win at work and enjoy great sex at home. Now you discover why some women like Ana Steele are attracted to men who hurt them, like Christian Grey in Fifty Shades Of Grey, and how to change that.
Learn how to reach the peak of sexual pleasure without entering the chamber of pain in Part 3 highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with BJ Gallagher. She’s a sought after sociologist and author of Why Don’t I Do The Things I Know Are Good For Me? and Being Buddha At Work, with a foreword by the Dalai Lama.
Hadley: As I read Fifty Shades of Grey, I was shocked by how many times the author repeated phrases like, “He rendered me speechless.” I overlooked the clumsy writing, because I was curious and distressed by how long a bright, talented young woman like Ana Steele would tolerate emotional and sexual torment from her billionaire boyfriend, Christian Grey. He told her from the start that he wanted to hurt her and he’d never love her.
I believe author, EL James, does not endorse inflicting pain as a path to sexual pleasure. Let’s talk about why some women allow men to hurt them, and how you can experience sexual ecstasy without entering the chamber of pain.
BJ: The reason women are attracted to bad boys and men who hurt them is because of your relationship with your father. If he cherished you and loved your feminine energy and appreciated your feminine qualities, you will not be attracted to men who inflict pain for sexual pleasure.
Many baby boomers didn’t have dads who cherished us for being female. If your father ignored you, or urged you to be more masculine, more competitive because he really wanted you to be a boy, then you may try to turn into a boy to please your daddy. And you’ll be attracted to hurtful men, like Christian Grey.
Hadley: Your childhood wounds don’t have to determine your love destiny as an adult. Let’s discuss things we can do to heal early wounds, and learn to be attracted to men who give you sexual pleasure without pain.
BJ: We can do this alone. Join a support group, enlist help of a great counselor. Read books that help you relearn how to be feminine. I recommend Dr. Pat Allen’s new book, The Truth About Men Will Set You Free, But First It Will Piss You Off.
Women don’t want to believe the truth about men. We want to believe he’s our knight in shining armor. But men are beautiful creatures who are more like dogs, with simple motives to get food, sex, sleep and money.
Hadley: Men have a primal urge in their DNA to win the heart of a women, to protect and provide for her.
BJ: That’s the pursuit of money today. Men used to hunt buffalo; now they hunt the dollar. Men are wired with a desire to make women happy, not hurt them.
Hadley: And here’s a wake-up call for women who chase men. If you usurp a man’s primal desire to pursue and win a woman’s heart, you may win a man who doesn’t want you enough or value you as his heart trophy. That’s a dangerous thing that sets you up for pain and unhappiness.
BJ: Because that isn’t how it works in our DNA. His chase is part of male bonding. We know this because the egg never chases the sperm. She waits, sits there in her gorgeous feminine energy, lets the sperm do the work and decides whether to let him in. If you want to be the female who attracts an alpha male, then don’t be the guy if you want the man to be the man.
Hadley: How do we use wisdom from your book, Being The Buddha At Work, to feel greater love and pleasure without pain in our personal life?
BJ: Not trying to control other people, but managing yourself in relationship. Knowing there is great strength in vulnerability, in using feminine energy to get everything you want in life and love.
Hadley: What’s my dating advice to women who meet a captivating man like Christian Grey, who tells her he wants to hurt her and he’ll never love her?
Believe him. Thinking you’ll be the one to change him wastes your precious time and sacred life force. Free yourself to move on quickly and meet a more compatible match who helps you reach the peak of pleasure and love without inflicting pain.
What if this decision leads to a painful breakup as it did for Ana Steele in Fifty Shades Of Grey?
You recover and go from heartbreak to happiness when you use the remedies and roadmap in my book at www.911BreakupSurvival.com And you make a quantum leap to happiness with my personal coaching at www.happinesscoachingspa.com
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