You discovered why singles and couples should make a habit of flirting everyday in Part 1 of the summary of my radio interview of Fran Greene, author of The Flirting Bible and former director of flirting on match.com.
Now, you’ll find out how to flirt by using the best opening lines, the best flirting props, the best body language and the ultimate flirting skill that singles and couples can use to find love and keep love alive in a relationship.
Hadley: What’s the best opening line to start flirting?
Choose your favorite from these two choices:
1. You’re so sweet there’s a wanted poster with your picture at the candy store.
Fran: Researchers report that the best opening line is number 2, simply saying, “Hi”. This removes any pressure to be clever or say something that feels phony. You just want to be friendly and see if there’s mutual interest to get to know each other.
Since flirting is making someone feel comfortable, welcome and special, you can do this whenever someone asks, “How are you?”
With a smile, you reply, “A whole lot better now that you came over to talk to me. Hi, I’m (tell them your name). Nice to meet you.”
This is a more natural way to be clever, give a compliment and make someone feel special.
Hadley: What are the best flirting props?
Flirting props draw attention to you. Some of the best ones are a dog, small children, a shared laugh, a special sweatshirt, a great scent, a baseball cap with your favorite passion or hobby, a unique piece of jewelry or clothing that catches someone’s attention. Catching attention is another goal of flirting because it opens the door to a conversation.
Hadley: Are we natural flirts? Researchers reported that we’re born to flirt because it attracts a mate to procreate.
Fran: They found that women in a remote African tribe used the same body language to attract a mate as did American women they’d studied.
Hadley: So what’s the best body language for flirting?
Gazing into someone’s eyes is important because your eyes are the soul of flirtation. If you’re across the room from someone, you need to make eye contact as you smile.
Looking down or away tells someone that you’re not interested in them. So make gentle eye contact for a few seconds max, so you’re not perceived as a stalker.
Smiling is an essential flirting tool. It’s better than a face lift because it makes you look vibrant, youthful and attractive to everyone you meet.
Sharing a hearty laugh with someone removes your defenses and let’s you be free and vulnerable with another person.
Touch can be a part of flirting, or it can be a turn off if you invade someone’s space. It’s best to limit touch to the secret flirtatious handshake.
Hadley: How do you flirt with a secret handshake?
Fran: The handshake varies for men and women:
A woman shakes a man’s hand with her right hand and quickly strokes the top of his hand with her left hand.
A man shakes a woman’s hand with his right hand and gives her hand an extra squeeze with his left hand.
You have to smile and make eye contact as you do your flirtatious handshake. This is how you go from being a passive guest to being an active host who welcomes and moves closer to the person you want to meet.
Hadley: As you focus your attention on someone else, you also lose sight of your inner fears or feelings of insecurity or anxiety when you act as if you are a confident host. Acting “as if” is the first step to being a confident host.
Hadley: What is the ultimate flirtation skill for singles and couples?
Fran: It’s being an active listener, with all senses activate on what’s being said.
Hadley: This is a wake up call for those who talk, talk, talk, which is a turnoff.
I often tell my online community that the greatest gift you give someone is active listening–giving them your undivided attention and caring concern as you listen, nod, ask a question or respond to what they’re telling you.
Fran: You’ll have a better conversation if you listen without planning what you’re going to say next, or else you’re not fully present for the other person while preparing your response as they talk.
Hadley: How do you use flirting to keep love alive in a marriage?
Fran: You constantly do things to make your partner feel special: by doing the nice things you did when you were dating, by sending romantic texts or emails and putting love notes or goodies in their briefcase, by being their biggest cheerleader and making them feel they’re number one in your life–even when family duties and work deadlines compete for your time and attention.
Hadley: This kind of marital flirting will bullet-proof your relationship, because it prevents you from feeling unappreciated, thereby avoiding a top reason couples divorce.
Is it rude to flirt with someone in front of your date or mate? What’s the flirting etiquette?
Fran: I flirt with everyone I meet and my husband sees it as a good thing. Remember it’s not about coming on to the other person sexually. It’s about making them feel comfortable and increasing your circle by sending positive, kind, friendly energy to people.
Hadley: This helps people feel great around you. Your date or mate should appreciate your talent and enjoy all the ways you make them feel special.
What’s the best way to flirt on internet dating sites?
Get the secrets in part 3 of our flirting series.
Get all the happy, sexy love you desire,