Date 250 men to ease your breakup heartbreak? Are you stunned by that dating advice? I was when I first heard it. It groomed me to become an olympic first dater. I wrote about it in the First Free Chapter of my laptop novel, TRIBE OF BLONDES. Let’s take a look at that scene and explore realistic ways you could use that advice to improve your first dates.
Here’s the setup for the scene: My friend, Sharon, had met me for lunch during my divorce hearings. She’d been divorced several years and had experience I lacked and often tapped into. So I asked her how I could unbreak my heart. This was her reply:
“Get a lover,” she said. “The way you detach from Walter is to date ten men for each year you were married.”
“Date 250 men?” I shrieked. That got people’s attention at surrounding tables.
“For a healthy start,” Sharon said. “You don’t know the new you yet, so you can’t possibly know what you want in a new man. Know why most second marriages fail?” she asked.
“People dive in before they’re ready to swim,” she said.
That sounded like good advice, so I followed it. Sort of. Instead of diving into a second marriage on my first proposal, I started diving into the dating pool and taking quick swims, as if setting an olympic record for speedy first dates.
By that I mean I went on dozens of first dates arranged by a lunch-time matchmaking service for corporate and creative professionals. I met some wonderful men, but a lunch date rarely lead to dinner. Not that I wasn’t asked. I wasn’t interested. In hindsight, I’ve had a chance to see why I was the first one out of the dating pool.
There was one thing I did on dozens of first dates that blocked my desire for a second date. I shared stories about my former husband–good stories and breakup stories. Fortunately, one date interrupted me:
“I don’t want to hear about your wonderful ex. You might like getting to know me,” he said.
I instantly knew he was right. His dating tip inspired me to change my first-date behavior. When I stowed my old stories and focused on my new date in the present moment, we both engaged. We found common interests and experiences in parenting after divorce, in reviving our dreams, and in ways we could enjoy our new single life. I could feel an energy boost from being fully present in the moment.
What if you want to ease your breakup heartbreak by dating, as I once did? Why not do that before you go on a date? Vent your same old stories in a journal or on the phone with a life coach, so you can keep things light and fun on a first date.
Now, the only story I share about my past relationship is a quick sentence about the love lesson I learned from my breakup, so I won’t repeat it next time. That usually prompts a similar revelation from my date–or at least he expresses a desire to figure that out if he hasn’t done so.
Is this mental shift just a dating tool? Or will it enrich your experiences with other people in your life? You can answer those questions by noticing whether you’re focused on the past instead of the present moment with a date or with other people in your life. How would each of your encounters change if you gave someone your full focus in the present moment? Could you think of any better gift to give someone?
How do you benefit? When you stow your same old stories and focus on creating exciting new ones, you’re adding an enthusiastic spirit of adventure as you date or relate to anyone. The TRIBE OF BLONDES evokes that spirit in each dating adventure and discovery I wrote about in the novel. Now I not only leave you with a dating tip, but you also know the inspiration for the title of the novel.
If you’d like to read more about the dating adventures of the Tribe Of Blondes, I invite you to claim your free chapter with 3 songs and a video on Love Tests and Secret Pass Keys. Here’s the link: http://tribeofblondes.net/buy.php
Coming up in the next episode of OUR POW WOW: A Step To A Dating Miracle helps you fall In Love Again.
Thanks for reading. I hope you’ll meet me here soon and often!