You’ll love dating when you identify your dating goals and honor them as you choose the best people to date. I’ll walk you through the process.
What are your dating goals? How do they help you choose your best dates?
If you seek instant intimacy in a casual fling, then your best date will share these goals and will not expect a serious relationship to develop. You are dateable, not mateable, unless your dating goals change.
If you seek a healthy, happy relationship with lasting love, you are mateable. Before you choose your great love match, it is wise to be aware of three types of healthy relationships you may develop:
Companionship. Soulmate. Spiritual Partnership.
These three types of relationships exist on a continuum of relationship growth, but if you achieve the first level, companionship, you don’t automatically progress to the next level on a spiritual path. A soulmate and spiritual partnership place you on that path.
What are the differences in 3 types of relationships?
These differences are explained in the respected dating manual, Soul Dating To Soul Mating on the Path Toward Spiritual Partnership, written by relationship experts, Basha Kaplan and Gail Prince (The Berkeley Publishing Group, 1999). I’ve summarized their descriptions of 3 healthy relationships:
Companions reflect the traditional marriage or relationship. They typically enjoy romantic friendship, share common (tribal) values, express affection and appreciation, and commit to spending time together.
Companions often lead separate lives. They don’t want to rock the boat by confronting relationship problems, so they let them slide by.
Companions don’t spend time, energy and work needed to invent the “We”, so both partners remain separate. Often one partner gives up their identity for the sake of remaining in the relationship.
Companions aren’t committed to helping each other learn and grow, so their relationship remains static and rarely deepens into emotional intimacy.
The relationship is comfortable and easy until one partner engages in personal growth activities that change the status quo. Although love is present, the relationship no longer satisfies that partner’s needs for emotional and spiritual intimacy.
At this point, a soulful connection is needed to save the relationship. Both partners must decide to get on the spiritual path together or to separate.
Both partners are committed to each others’ personal growth and learning in a dynamic, emotionally safe relationship that they keep reinventing.
Soulmates commit to reveal their thoughts, feelings and ideas.
They help each other heal old wounds, see issues through their partner’s eyes.
They feel they have come home when they are with their partner.
They value change and agree to work through any power struggles that arise from it.
They recognize they are coming together to learn lessons in physical and spiritual realms.
Will soulmates stay together forever?
There are no guarantees. Typically a breakup occurs when they no longer can grow together or fulfill some non-negotiable needs.
They believe divine intervention has guided them to each other to be totally authentic and transcend the normal level of consciousness.
A major goal of this relationship is to contribute to the world as a partnership–as a single, unified force.
What does a spiritual partnership look and feel like?
Imagine enjoying pure acceptance of the whole person, an acceptance that eliminates criticism, judgment and power struggles from the partnership. This is the essence of unconditional love.
Even when spiritual partners are doing something by themselves, they draw on the power and energy of the relationship’s we. The I is elevated by the we.
If a disagreement occurs, it’s over and resolved quickly in a win-win manner.
Spiritual partners are good at seeing different perspectives so they can solve problems and understand different points of view.
Questions are always answered with the truth, and there’s never any holding back for a truthful exchange that contains seeds of spiritual growth.
Is a spiritual partnership achievable or right for you?
Few people have progressed from Soulmates to this level. It requires an enormous amount of individual work and courage, along with divine intervention.
A spiritual partnership may inspire you to find an element of spirituality and meaning in your relationships.
If you’re dating to find love, how do you use this news to choose your great love match?
Study the characteristics of 3 types of healthy relationships and ask yourself which qualities you desire or require and choose dates accordingly.
And remember, no matter what type of relationship you are seeking, you won’t find it without putting yourself out there and meeting potential love matches.
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