Earlier in our series, you transformed criticism into loving kindness, repaired relationship issues and diffused a hot argument using love flashcards. Now take a love test that predicts your relationship success in part 4 highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with Nancy Dreyfus.
Nancy is a veteran couples therapist who wrote the book and relationship repair flashcards titled, Talk To Me Like I’m Someone You Love.
Hadley: The title of your book is great advice to model if you want to improve your interactions with your partner. To predict your progress, take this love test. ask yourself one question:
When you’re communicating with your partner, which would you rather be?
A. Strong and Right? or B. Vulnerable and Open Minded?
Let’s talk about how choosing answer A or B predicts the quality of your communication with your partner
Nancy: You can be strong and right, but you won’t be connected with your partner. People treat you the way that you treat yourself. That’s the basis of all my work. You’re taught to be good to other people so they treat you well. But the truth is that they only treat you like you treat yourself. Using each flashcard is an opportunity to love yourself, not get through to your partner. The magic occurs when you show that you’re loving yourself.
For example, you choose a flashcard that says, “I’m in knots. I’m afraid to tell you my truth, It’s a horrible feeling to have to humor you.” How would your partner respond to that?
Hadley: Instead of hiding your truth, you reveal it. That takes courage to be vulnerable and open to your partner’s response. This open the door to communication. Strong and right slams the door to communication.
Nancy: A counselor once gave me great advice. Don’t get furious, get curious. When you’re really willing to listen to what goes on in you and your partner. Relationships falter when you expect someone to act the same way you would. But you are two different people. They’re not you. So listen to their truth and respond to it. When they feel heard and understood, they’ll be open to your truth.
Hadley: Every couple deserves to get the health and longevity benefits of sexual healing. How do you help couples make love more often and enjoy better love making?
Get all the happy, sexy love you desire,
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