Happy Sexy Love How to bulletproof relationships with happy, sexy love
In 2018 Yale psychologist Laurie Santos created
the most popular course in Yale’s 300 year
history.
Over 3 million people enrolled in the first year.
The finding that made it famous was something her
students called the most uncomfortable truth they
had ever heard.
The things humans believe will make them happy
have almost no lasting effect on wellbeing.
More money. A better job. The right relationship.
The perfect body. The promotion.
Decades of research confirm that none of these
produce lasting improvements in happiness.
Not because they are bad things.
Because of something called hedonic adaptation.
The brain has a happiness set point it returns to
regardless of what happens.
Win the lottery. Within one year back to baseline.
Get the promotion. Within weeks back to baseline.
Santos called it the satisfaction treadmill.
You work harder to get the thing. You get it. You
feel better briefly. The brain adapts. You return
to baseline. Now you need the next thing.
The treadmill does not stop. It speeds up.
The uncomfortable truth her students kept
returning to was this.
They already knew what actually works.
Strong relationships. Acts of kindness. Savouring
ordinary moments. Adequate sleep. Gratitude
practiced deliberately. Presence.
And they kept choosing the things that did not
work anyway.
Because the brain runs a prediction system that is
systematically miscalibrated.
It keeps predicting that external circumstances
will produce lasting happiness.
Those predictions are consistently wrong.
And nobody ever updated the software.
Three practices that research confirms actually
work.
Savour positive moments fully as they happen.
Express gratitude specifically to one person about
one specific thing they did. Redirect one hour
from pursuing what does not work toward what does.
You already know what makes you happy.
The only question is whether you will choose it.
Source: Santos, L. The Science of Well-Being. Yale
University, 2018.
Lyubomirsky, S. The How of Happiness. Penguin
Press, 2008.
Brickman, P. et al. Lottery Winners and Accident
Victims. Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology, 1978.
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And Hadley Finch helps you move from a stressed, survival state to a happy, calm state in which love thrives. Check out Hadley Finch’s 2026 book, Anger Management For Parents Who Manage Anger With Love
