Some couples draw a line in the sand when it comes to infidelity. You may have created a great family life together for years. Then something goes wrong at a conference in Cleveland, and boom–your marriage is over.
Divorce may seem like the only relief when you’re slammed by a tidal wave of anger and jealousy over your mate’s affair. You may not realize that divorce may be a reckless choice which can shorten your life, devastate your children, limit your success, and trigger a financial struggle now and for future generations.
After you discover your mate’s affair, you can choose a healthy alternative to divorce. You can repair your marriage and make it better than ever, using a process you’ll learn in highlights of my radio interview with Dr. Doug Welpton. He’s an acclaimed, Ivy league trained psychiatrist and family therapist who has helped thousands of couples overcome conflicts over sex, love, money and infidelity.
When a couple is being torn apart by an extramarital affair, how do you help them ease the pain of infidelity and heal their relationship instead of heading straight to divorce court?
“The most important thing a couple can do to prevent or recover from an affair is to start talking,” Dr. Doug said. “You might avoid talking about infidelity because you don’t want it to happen. You might avoid telling your spouse that you’re feeling attracted in a strong way to someone new. Not talking about it will not help you avoid an affair or a divorce. It’s just the opposite–being able to talk about it, bringing it out in the open, being able to understand that we all feel attracted to others at times and that’s a normal part of marriage. But to stay committed you can’t bury your head in the sand and pretend it will go away if you don’t address it.”
What if your outside attraction is like a runaway train and talking about it can’t prevent the crash–an affair that can devastate your marriage?
“When you’re in an affair it’s usually a secret. The illicit quality is part of the excitement. It’s how you hide it to protect your spouse. Invariably spouses find out about the betrayal and that’s when all of the pain comes into your marriage,” he explained. “At that point you need to talk about it if you want to save your marraige.”
The French have a saying, “You can fix a broken vase, but it won’t hold water.” I know the opposite is true. With the right tools, you can repair and revitalize your marriage. How do you help people rebuild their relationship so it’s better than ever?
“By talking in ways they’ve never talked before. I would say the vase wasn’t holding water before the affair, because they weren’t talking openly, honestly and transparently with each other. That’s usually what starts an affair,” Dr. Doug said. Then he explained the common cause of infidelity. “We enter affairs for emotional reasons, not sexual reasons at first. Most people begin talking to someone new when they don’t feel connected to their spouse. It’s an emotional need for connection that leads to affairs. Connections are built through talking.”
What’s your take on new research findings that monogamy isn’t natural and never was because we’ve got millions of years of evolution urging us into sexual novelty? How do we become stronger than that primal urge?
“Men more than women are wired to find other partners, although the infidelity rate is increasing among women in marriages,” said Dr. Welpton. “Marriage is all about the commitment that overrides the urge to cheat. If you’re going to feel safe and connected, you need a commitment to not be worried that your partner is going off to find someone to be intimate with. So I urge people to work on your commitment through honest talking with each other. Then you don’t let temptation build up because you talk about it before you act on it.”
What if you’re already suffering through the fallout of infidelity? You’ll get the blueprint to repair your marriage and make it better than ever in Part 2 of my discussion with Dr. Doug Welpton. He’ll give you a gift ebook to help you with tough relationship issues at http://talk2myheart.com
And I’d like to give you all the relationship success tools you need to affair-proof a relationship, revive intimacy and passion and build even better relationships with your children, co-workers and clients. If you’re single, I’d like to help you recruit your perfect match and create a red-hot relationship with lasting love. Find out how I can help you. Schedule a FREE strategy call with me at ScheduleMyFreeSession.com
Love deeply and live your dreams now,