Must you suffer from the heartbreak and stress of lost love, lost security, lost home, job, dreams or other painful losses life throws at you? Not for long, when you discover how to be happy, even while facing life’s toughest losses.
I wish I would’ve known how to find happiness during my divorce, when life as I knew it fell apart. Instead, I was slammed to my knees by pain and anger until my heart felt like a pressure cooker ready to blow. To save my life, I learned the happiness techniques I will share with you now.
Why is it essential that you heal heartbreak quickly and return to happiness?
Happiness is our natural, healthy state. You can choose thoughts and activities that promote happiness. Choosing happiness is harder to do under stress. Scientists have proven that persistent stress, like breakup stress, can rewire your brain, change your behavior in destructive ways and leave you vulnerable to serious illness.
You can avoid that fate and beat chronic stress before it beats you by using simple strategies you’ll discover in highlights of my radio conversation on A Lasting Love, with Edward Southwick, Jr, founder of AllAboutHappiness.com Ed is a financial and happiness planner who combines business consulting with happiness concepts to help you recover quickly from losses and gain even greater success, health, and happiness.
HF: Ed, I know you are in the midst of the breakup of your 24-year marriage to your Japanese wife, who for years had helped you write the most popular dating-advice column in Japan. Most divorcing couples suffer from anger, fear and other painful emotions during their breakup. Yet you are finding happiness in this difficult time. How?
ES: I always do what I’ve been teaching others to do for years. My divorce from a Japanese woman is focused mainly on finances and security, which is their mentality. So she’ll get most things we’ve built together, and I’ll have to earn it back. Instead of blaming each other for what went wrong, I come back to the basic true reality of my breakup: It’s not that big of a deal, so don’t sweat the small stuff.
HF: Breaking up a family through divorce isn’t the small stuff, because it hurts your children and everyone who loves you. And divorce can send some families into cycles of poverty for generations.
ES: Of course divorce is unfair, emotionally trying and the source of heavy feelings when I think about investing 24 years in this marriage that we’ve lost. But I’ll tell you this shock treatment works every time. You make it a habit to make thankful comparisons, by comparing your situation with those that are much, much worse.
Ask yourself if you’d trade your situation for living in a third-world country where you may not have food or shelter, or living in a war-torn country where people are trying to kill you, or becoming paralyzed or blind. People love to see a worse situation because it makes you feel better. Seeing a better situation, like keeping up with the Jones’es, also can make you feel worse. The vast majority in the world would gladly trade their situation for just a divorce.
HF: When you come back to basic true reality, it also means that you accept rather than resist the reality that your marriage is ending and that your new life is beginning. Resistance is what causes pain. The reality is that if you can’t reconcile, then life as you knew it is over. And you are being reborn into a new life. Accepting this rather than fighting it can ease the pain and stress of this life transition.
ES: And remember that life wasn’t promised to be fair. Many unfair things happen, and when you’re on the bad end you have no choice but to accept it. If not, you torture yourself by constantly thinking how unfair and sad it all is, or what you could’ve done or said differently.
HF: What if you’re stuck in the self-torture of negative thinking? How do you get back to thoughts and activities that produce happiness?
Get the answers and action plan in Part 2 of our series to help you find happiness, no matter what life throws at you.
And if you or your single friends are seeking your great love, I’ll guide your love quest and help you choose your perfect match in the dating site I created for resilient optimists who believe in great love. Take a free look around as my guest at www.TribeOfSingles.com
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Get the red-hot love life you deserve,