In Part 1, couples discovered how to rack up Frequent Foreplay Miles on your journey to greater intimacy, passion and love. Since conflicts can steal the fun and block the red-hot relationship you deserve, it’s important to use conflict creatively and improve your interactions by using success tools you gain in Part 2 of my radio interview with Shela Dean. She’s an estate and family attorney turned relationship happiness coach who wrote the book, Frequent Foreplay Miles: Your Ticket To Total Intimacy.
Hadley Finch: After a couple award or deduct Frequent Foreplay miles based on your partner’s behavior, what’s the best way to give feedback so you resolve conflicts and improve your interactions?
Shela Dean: It’s important to understand what causes most conflicts. While you and your partner may be alike in many ways, you’re also different in many ways. Most of us judge and behave according to our own world view, preferences and priorities, which we’ve based on our childhood experiences. Up to 98 percent of conflicts result from a difference in world views.
Some couples fight over how you organize the kitchen, or raise your children or show up late even though they want you to arrive on time.
Couples can use the Foreplay Navigator to navigate through your partner’s world views and understand what they see as positive or negative foreplay. Then share your views in a benign way to explain what’s important and why, like: “That really hurt me because I feel…”
Hadley Finch: So your goal is to speak calmly as you say what is bothering you. If you have the habit of exploding into an argument, what’s the best way to change that?
Shela Dean: Think before you speak. Don’t jump into difficult conversation. When your partner does something that upsets you, step back. Take day or two to think about it before you respond.
Hadley Finch: How do you choose the response that resolves conflict by creating a Win-Win solution?
Shela Dean: Refer to your Foreplay Back Pocket Guide, which gives you 4 questions to ask yourself as you formulate your response:
1. How can I lock in Frequent Foreplay Miles in this situation?
2. How can I help my sweetheart gain Frequent Foreplay Miles?
3. How can I navigate from negative to positive spin on this situation?
4. What can I do so we both get Frequent Foreplay Miles?
After you find these answers, you follow them.
Hadley Finch: What mindset helps you follow through?
Shela Dean: First, assume your partner loves you and won’t intentionally hurt you. Believe you can improve your relationship by improving your actions in the following ways:
Learn to talk kindly and deal with issues as they arise, only after you take a time out.
Don’t blindside your partner with an issue by expecting an immediate response.
Mention an issue you’d like to discuss and set another time to discuss it.
Act with love and integrity instead of using angry words which can cut like a knife.
Hadley Finch: Failed relationships suffer death by a thousand little cuts. How you handle every interaction either cuts or heals your relationship. You can make your relationship a 10 out of 10 each week when you use the right success tools, like racking up Frequent Foreplay Miles. You also can rack up Frequent Friend and Family miles the same way, so you improve your interactions with people you care about most.
As America’s Go-To Love Guide, I help couples get the red-hot relationship you deserve. Your Relationship Success Toolkit breaks through love blocks, affair-proofs a marriage, revives passion intimacy and undying love with your partner at http://TribeOfCouples.com
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A GIFT FOR YOU:
Download a copy of Shela Dean’s book at no charge and get more tips to rack up Frequent Foreplay Miles here
Get the red-hot love life you deserve!