World-renowned relationship success coach, Dov Baron, helps thousands of people create happy marriages by following one rule: Get rid of the horrible word COMPROMISE. During our radio interview, I asked Dov to explain why he’s vehemently against compromise when most marriage counselors encourage couples to use it as a great Love Test.
Dov said that by definition, compromise means to weaken the integrity of the structure. He never encourages couples to weaken their marriage. People strengthen their connection only when they refuse to compromise.
How do you keep from fighting if you never compromise?
If you’re fighting, look at what you’re fighting about. Most people fight over things on which they’re compromising. If you remove the compromise, you remove the need to fight. However, a good fight can be good for your relationship.
Couples need to the learn how to fight in a healthy way. Understand there’s nothing wrong with conflict. It can keep things exciting when it’s healthy conflict, because it empowers both partners to be the best person you can be.
How do you resolve conflicts in healthy ways?
Take a look at your complaints and you find the source of most conflicts. If you often complain that your partner isn’t romantic but you don’t do anything positive to change that, it’s unhealthy.
A healthy choice is to ask yourself, “When was the last time I was romantic?” You start being romantic again and see how that inspires romance in your mate.
The secret is to stop your blame game and start giving what you expect to receive from your mate.
I often tell my online community that when you feel something’s lacking, you give it away and your feeling of lack is gone. What about complaints or conflicts which can’t be resolved by giving someone what you want to receive?
Many people ignore conflicts. A study showed that 80 percent of men who are asked for divorce are shocked because they didn’t think anything was wrong. When pressed, they admit they noticed issues but they didn’t see them as important until their partner walked out the door.
You don’t learn anything by ignoring complaints or conflict. Your ignorance keeps you stuck in mediocrity.
How do you get unstuck?
Uncover your rituals of mediocrity. Ask yourself, “What do I do in my relationship that keeps things mediocre?”
Make a list and use it as a road map for your positive change. The goal is to be more aware of your needs and your partner’s needs.
Another way to uncover your rituals of mediocrity is to ask yourself, “Whose marriage have I been fighting for?”
If you’re honest, you’ll find you’re fighting to have your parents’ marriage, even if it was terrible, because it’s the only model you had. Your mate may be doing the same thing, and this can keep you stuck in conflict and mediocrity.
How do you break that pattern?
First, you have to become aware of it. Then create a new vision of the relationship you want to be in, by writing down the activities and qualities of life you want with your partner. Now decide what actions you will take to bring your new vision into being. Ask your partner to do the same process.
What if you’re partner isn’t interested?
There is no compromise. We’re either in this or we’re not. If we’re not, we’re done.
You don’t manipulate your mate to do things you way because that’s a compromise. Each of you need to be your best you. If you’re not compatible, if you’re not on the same path, then best gift is good-bye.
Dov advises couples to dump the fairy tale that we get married and live happily after. Fairy tales end right after the wedding, because that’s when reality begins.
The love test you want to pass is to love without compromise and choose your partner and your marriage each day to keep things fresh and keep love alive.
Dov Baron offers competitive edge workshops around the world. Contact Dov for more information at http://bit.ly/ijD878
And I’d like to give you the relationship success tools you need to bulletproof a relationship or recruit your perfect match if you’re single, and build better relationships with everyone in your life. Begin your exciting program now at GreaterSuccessAndLove.com
Love deeply and live your dreams now,