Each person falls in love through their dominant sensory doorway of seeing, hearing or feeling. Think of this sensory doorway as a love language. Each person feels close and connected to someone who speaks their dominant sensory love language, but feels little or no connection with someone who doesn’t.
How do you use this news to make your date fall in love with you?
As early as your first date, you spark dating chemistry when you uncover and use your date’s sensory love language by taking three simple steps:
Step 1. Ask your date to tell you about their previous relationship (or marriage, or childhood).
Ask this question in a tone that reveals your sincere curiosity. Use body language that gives them your undivided attention, like when you lean closer and focus on them. Be ready to ask followup questions, including: Why? When? How?
This deepens your dating conversation and reveals your date’s dominant sense, once you also take the next step.
Step 2. Look for three clues which identify their dominant sensory love language.
First clue: If your date tells you how their previous relationship, marriage or childhood looked, then their dominant sense is seeing so they connect visually. They may use visual phrases like, “Picture this,” “I see it like this,” “Looking back,” “Imagine how,””It’s clear to me,” “I observed that.”
Second clue: If your date talks about how things sounded, then their dominant sense is hearing so they connect through sounds. They will use auditory phrases like, “My ex didn’t listen to me,” “My ex heard me,” “Their snoring kept me awake,” “I remember the sound of…” “It’s clear as a bell.” Often auditory phrases are accompanied by sideways eye movements, which reveal an inner conversation that is recalling sounds.
Third clue: If your date talks about how things felt, then their dominant sense is feeling so they connect through feelings and intuition. They will use feeling phrases like, “It felt right,” “I sensed,” “My ex was cold/warm,” “They hurt my feelings,” “I need a massage.” Often feeling phrases are accompanied by eye movements that go downward and to one side, which reveals their feeling side.
Once you’ve identified your date’s dominant sense, you take the next step.
Step 3. Talk in their dominant sense by using seeing, hearing, or feeling words.
Once you’ve read clues that reveal how your date perceives the world, you will mirror them by communicating through the same sense they use most. Why?
Again, we fall in love through our dominant sensory doorway with someone who understands us, who touches our heart, who listens to us, who sees us, who speaks our same love language.
How do you communicate using your date’s dominant sense?
If you find that your date connects primarily through visuals, then you communicate using visual phrases like, “I see what you mean,” “How do you see your life in three years?” “You look great in that color,” “I can picture you doing that,” “That looks like fun.”
If you find that your date connects primarily through sounds, then you communicate using auditory phrases like, “That sounds like fun,” “I’d like to hear the conversation going on in your head,” “Shall I tell you the story of…?” “I hear what you’re saying,” “Want to hear my favorite joke?” “Something tells me that…” “I like the sound of your voice.”
If you find that your date connects primarily through feelings, then you communicate using feeling phrases like, “I know how you feel,” “I sense that you’re kind and caring,” “So you need physical touch to feel loved?” “Did that hurt your feelings?” “You tickled my funny bone,” “I feel great about our date.”
What if your own dominant sense is different than your date’s? Is it misleading or dishonest to communicate in their primary love language instead of your own?
Is it misleading or dishonest to speak a foreign language when you’re with people who speak that language in your country or theirs? Of course not. Speaking a foreign language is a talent you develop to improve your communication, connection and chemistry. That’s true in dating to find love.
Speaking the love language of a potential match on your first date is the best way to hold their attention, validate them, and show them you match in ways that make them feel comfortable and close to you. They surely will want to see you again.
On your next date you’ll continue to speak their love language and introduce them to yours. How does that look, feel, and sound?
Here’s an example when your date’s love language is feeling and yours is hearing:
“I see how you excited you get when things look beautiful. I get that. I’m also am turned on by sounds, like the sound of your laugh. I bet I’d like to hear your beating heart with my head on your chest. I also like to hear true compliments and thank you’s. They make me feel loved and appreciated.”
Why is that good dating conversation?
Because good dating conversation helps you know and be known by a match. When you share the clue of what makes you feel loved, see if your date responds. Will they reach out and connect with you the way you like, or not?
Learning to connect not only through your dominant sense, but also with your match’s dominant sense means you speak each others love language. You’ve opened the doorway to fall in love and feel loved in a relationship.
Get all the happy, sexy love you desire,