You’re about to take attraction quizzes that reveal if you’re acting on attraction that leads you to love or heartbreak in this summary of my radio discussion on A Lasting Love with Ken Page. A psychotherapist who writes for Psychology Today, Ken also is the founder of deeperdating.com – presenting workshops and meeting events for single people committed to deeper values.
Hadley Finch: You’ve written that singles can find love fast once they learn to act on attractions that lead to love instead of to difficult, dead-end dating relationships.
Let’s start by taking an attraction quiz:
Have you ever been crazy about someone who wasn’t available or wasn’t good for you?
Have you ever felt desperate for the affection of someone who sometimes treated you wonderfully and other times badly?
What if we answered YES to either question?
Ken Page: Then you were pursuing the attraction of deprivation, which can be powerful and exciting. This attraction creates physical symptoms: your heart races, you feel weak in the knees, you can’t sleep.
Hadley Finch: Does attraction of deprivation ever lead to love?
Ken Page: Maybe, sometimes. I won’t rule out the possibility. Yet if you try to create a loving, healthy relationship with someone who is not available or who treats you badly at times, your odds of success are that of a Las Vegas slot machine, which are not good.
Hadley Finch: I often tell my online community that with powerful attraction comes powerful love lessons attached like a bow–often painful lessons. Is attraction of deprivation fueled by our unconscious search for our Imago — someone who will throw salt on childhood wounds so we can heal them as an adult?
Ken Page: Yes. We can feel wildly attracted to people who embody the worst characteristics of our primary caregivers when we were children. It’s like your heart has to go back to the scene of the crime to get someone to love you right, someone who reminds you of your parent(s) who hurt or neglected you.
Hadley: So your early fear of abandonment fuels your attraction of deprivation, which makes it intense. Let’s say you’re tired of being attracted to people who can’t love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Let’s identify the type of attraction that leads to true and passionate love with another attraction quiz:
Are you inspired by your partner’s consistent caring and acceptance?
Are you inspired by your partner’s goodness and decency?
Is your love fueled by respect for the kind of person your partner is?
Are you both willing to work at healing relationship wounds and weaknesses?
Ken, what if we answered YES to those questions?
Ken Page: If so, you are acting on attraction of inspiration which is the foundation of happy relationships with lasting love. I created those quizzes to show you how each type of attraction looks and feels.
Hadley Finch: Is it a conscious choice or a survival instinct to act on inspired attraction?
Ken Page: It can be both. We may have been hurt so often that we finally learn our lesson and go to someone who really can love us.
Attraction of inspiration usually starts slower. It may not seem as passionate or exciting. It might trigger your fear of intimacy, because you know this person is actually available. Attraction of inspiration won’t be as fiery as with an unavailable person, but it can grow beautifully and richly.
Hadley Finch: How do you break your habit of being attracted to the wrong people who can’t love you and start being attracted to someone who can love you well?
Find out in Part 2 of our series which helps you–
Get all the happy, sexy love you desire,
And would you like to find love for New Years Eve? I’ll guide you, along with other top experts who help you avoid dating minefields and attract a partner who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Watch 3 FREE videos to get started now.