In Part 1 you identified two types of attraction, one leading to genuine love and the other to difficult relationships and painful breakups. Now you’ll learn how to stop being attracted to a lover who can’t love you truly and passionately in this summary of my radio discussion on A Lasting Love with Ken Page. A psychotherapist who writes for Psychology Today, Ken Page also is the founder of deeperdating.com – presenting workshops and meeting events for single people committed to deeper values.
Hadley Finch: How do you stop being attracted to people who aren’t good for you, and start being attracted to someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved?
Ken Page: First you need to break through the myth of lost love that each of us has inside, which we created during childhood. Most of us have experienced at some point in childhood, when our perfect parents stopped being perfect. You may have shared a part of yourself that felt real, alive and passionate, but it was either ignored, abused, put down or misunderstood. And that’s devastating.
If that happens repeatedly, something inside us creates a child’s story of why we lost love. It’s a two-part story: Why we can’t trust people to love us; and why we didn’t deserve their love because something was wrong with us.
Because of these childhood myths, as adults we choose people who will do to us the same thing our parents did. We think they finally could recognize our worth and love us right. But often they can’t do this, so it’s the wrong way to search for love. It’s important to break through your childhood myths of lost love.
Hadley Finch What if you’ve blocked out your childhood? How do you identify your childhood myth of lost love so you can understand that it doesn’t apply to you as an adult?
Ken Page: You look at the gift of your bad relationships. Think about your deep attraction to people who couldn’t love you or make you feel safe. Those people probably treated you in similar ways your parents treated you. If they denigrate or don’t appreciate you, those are the places you need to learn to love yourself.
Hadley Finch: Then you can stop looking for people who will hurt you to heal childhood wounds as an adult. How do you start choosing someone who can love you deeply, truly, passionately as you deserved to be loved?
Get the answers in Part 3 of our series. Thanks for letting me help you–
Get all the happy, sexy love you desire,