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Surviving A Breakup Or Death Of A Beloved – How Do I Heal My Grief Over Lost Love?

Recently a woman sent me an email containing one profound question, “How can I ever get over my grief over a lost love that happened 25 years ago?”

She didn’t give me any details of how she lost love or why she’s grieved for over two decades. Yet I know the pain of grief, and it moved me to ask for help in healing it. As mere mortals, we all will face the pain of lost love either through the death of a loved one, of a relationship, or of our dream of love. How we deal with grief is a Love Test we all will face.

To pass this Love Test, how long must we feel the anguish of grief?

There is no normal timetable. We each grieve in our own way, in our own time. Some of us may feel we owe decades of grieving to the loved one we’ve lost as a way to honor their memory and show our undying love. Some of us want to stop the pain soon after losing love. All of us have the choice and the power to heal grief.


We transform the devastating sorrow of lost love into fuel for personal growth and renewal.
We begin to see the pain of grief as a wake up call to explore new attitudes and actions that give life back to those who grieve.
We do not repress pain or deny feelings of loss. Instead, we feel it to heal it.
We use the energy of sorrow to clarify unresolved issues, find meaning in loss and become fully involved in life.

What if you resist this personal growth that arises from grief?

This is just where you are in the grieving process right now, and that’s okay. None of us has been taught how to say good-bye to our loved ones, how to grieve and recover from lost love. We all need help to heal our grief. We all have the choice to move forward with resilient optimism or stay stuck in sorrow.

How do you choose to heal grief?

The first step is to feel your loss and accept it. Part of acceptance is understanding that the love you’ve shared is eternal, so it survives physical death or the death of a relationship. When you give thanks for undying love, it lifts your spirits and fills your heart with love.

Ever feel you don’t deserve to love again?

Life after lost love can make us feel fragile, alone and unlovable. A remedy is to reach out to supportive friends and family who treat you with loving kindness, as you treat them. And remember that you are not alone. You are surrounded by love. It can’t be taken away from you, because you are made of infinite love in your inner core. Life is filled with opportunities to love again, when you look for them.

How do you see opportunities to love when you’re knocked down by grief?

You can take as many of these steps as possible on the path out of pain:

Choose to see love and be love in your interactions with people you hold dear
Stop blaming and start forgiving yourself and others for failing to give or receive love
Make healthy choices that support your well being
Find lessons you’ve learned from the struggles/success in the relationship you’ve lost
Wrap up unfinished business by journaling your thoughts and feelings and imagining positive outcomes
Revive your buried dreams and take action on them each day
Feel thankful for the faces and forces of love in your life
See how love lights up the darkness like diamonds in the night sky
Spend time in nature, breathing in love and breathing out pain
Let go of thoughts and emotions that drag you down
Choose thoughts, words and actions that lift your spirits
Let love dry your tears, ease your fears and fill your heart with joy

This is not a quick cure for your grief. It is a journey of many steps that give you the comfort and courage to grow through lost love and love again.

Once you heal grief, you become emotionally available to love again. Whenever you feel ready, I would like to guide your Love Quest and help you choose your perfect match in the dating site I created for resilient optimists who, despite what life throws at you, still believe in Great Love. Take a FREE look around as my guest. Meet great singles seeking great love at https://www.TribeOfSingles.com

Get the red-hot love life you deserve,

Hadley Finch

About Hadley Finch

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