Dating Question: A divorced man came back into my life after he broke up with a girlfriend. We had dated several years ago as friends. I didn’t let it progress into a romance then, because I was busy raising my children by myself. Now they’re away at school, so I was free to take things to the next level quickly with this man, whom I always liked and respected.
We’ve had 8 great dates in two months with amazing sexual chemistry, so I assumed we were heading into an exclusive dating relationship. Now I’m shocked and upset he hasn’t called me in a month, without giving me a clue why.
I’m an old-school dater, waiting for him to call me again and feeling empty without him in my life. I find myself imagining many possible answers to one question — why did he disappear after things got sexual? Got any ideas?
Dating Answer: Making assumptions and imagining your date’s motives only sets the stage for disappointment and heartbreak. Assuming he feels the same way you do about your new sexual relationship or guessing reasons why you haven’t heard from him only wastes your time and energy. You can’t know what’s on his mind and in his heart until you ask the right questions.
The best time to find out what someone wants from a dating relationship is before you take things to a sexual level. Simple questions to ask in initial dates: “Are you dating anyone?” Or, “What are you looking for in a dating relationship?”
Before you decide to have a sexual relationship, be sure to ask, “Will you agree for both of us to be tested for STDs before we begin a sexual relationship?”
Even when you haven’t heard from him in a month, you could become a new school dater by contacting him, inviting him for dinner, and finding out what’s going so you can move closer or move on to meet a more compatible love match.
Why is dating disappointment a good thing?
It opens the doorway for personal growth. Dating relationships are all about fun and growth. It’s not fun when you keep yourself in the dark. You turn on the light by asking the right questions in each step of the dating process.
When you pay attention to your date’s answers, you’ll know if he could be dating to find another serious relationship, or to escape the pain of a recent breakup, or to satisfy his curiosity about you–the one who got away. Clearly, when your recent date disappeared into the dating ozone, his dating motives didn’t match yours, at least for now. That disappointment can be painful.
How do you grow from it?
You focus on being kind and nurturing to yourself by making choices that support your best health and well being. You use your time and energy to fall in love with your life again by doing more things you love to do every day. If you don’t know what you love yet, here are some suggestions to explore:
Have an affair of art, taking up photography, painting, singing, dancing, or anything creative you enjoy.
Reach out for positive, supportive single friends and plan fun activities together.
Look for the love lessons you’ve learned from this dating experience, so you don’t repeat them.
Decide you’ll get out there again soon and have some fun asking the right questions early in the dating process.
Give thanks for all the people you love, because feeling love and gratitude attracts love like a love magnet.
When you do these things to fall in love with yourself and your life, you actually send out irresistible vibes that attract love fast. Since like attracts like, you’ll attract someone on your love wavelength, who also loves their life and wants to make room for someone special to share it. This not only heals your heart from dating disappointment, it also helps you feel loved and loveable in every moment. This healthy self love is a solid foundation for a red-hot relationship with lasting love.
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