Discover how magic phrases heal a verbally abusive relationship in Part 1 highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with veteran couples therapist, Nancy Dreyfus.
Nancy is a veteran couples therapist who created a revolutionary love tool that repairs relationships in a flash.
Hadley: As I read your book, I was moved by your story of a couples counseling session with a critical woman and her verbally-abused husband. Tell us how they inspired you to invent a revolutionary love tool to heal relationship issues in a flash.
Nancy: Over 20 years ago, I counseled a couple who reminded me of my parents. I grew up every day listening to my mother being very harsh with my father. When I walked into this couple, who were stand-ins for my parents, I had what’s known as a “counter transference” reaction. It was like I was as a nine year old, feeling helpless with my parents.
But I was the therapist, and I was supposed to do something. I couldn’t speak. So in a flash, I wrote some words on a torn envelope. I gave it to the husband and whispered to him, “Hold it up to her.”
He quietly held up the message, “Talk to me like I’m someone you love.”
Then I saw a miracle in front of my eyes. He was aligned with the integrity and dignity of the message. His wife got it. She’d never seen him make a healthy demand on her. She apologized. She was appropriately embarrassed for how she was behaving. The two of them walked out of my office arm in arm, perhaps for the first time in years as equals.
Hadley: That’s beautiful. Did they continue to see you after that?
Nancy: They did. The husband, who’d been borderline mute like my father, actually began verbalizing. He began seeing that if he stood up to this woman in a wholesome way, he could get through to her.
Very often starting with written messages and seeing their power and purity can transform a relationship, because there is no voice tone to get in the way.
Hadley: How can you be sincere and speak from the heart to repair your relationship when someone else is writing magical phrases for you?
Get the answer in Part 2 highlights of my radio conversation with Nancy Dreyfus for A Lasting Love.
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