Can a divorced neurosurgeon convince his highly-paid escort to give up prostitution and stay in an exclusive relationship with him?
Discover the provocative ending to this unconventional love story in highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with Dr. Charles E. Rawlings. He’s a top neurosurgeon turned malpractice attorney who wrote, It Really Is That Complicated.
Hadley: Charles, you wrote about a common, honorable trait in men that can make him date and marry an incompatible woman. If a man is A FIXER, like you say you are, why should he fix that before he chooses a mate?
Charles: You mean fix himself?
Hadley: Yes. If being a fixer can make you choose the wrong woman, how can a man fix that?
Charles: I’m not sure a man can fix that. Most alpha males have it inbred, hard wired. They want to fix things. That is what they are doing as alpha males who want to fix things. They don’t want to fix themselves.
Being a fixer in a male is not necessarily a bad thing. It may lead to interesting consequences, but it’s not a bad or good thing in a judgmental sense. It’s not necessarily an undesirable trait in a man.
Hadley: Maybe career wise. Not in choosing a match. You wrote that you had married a woman whom you wanted to fix, and that wasn’t the best strategy.
Charles: I’m not sure that fixing someone is the best strategy anyway, but men are fixers. As long as a woman goes into a relationship knowing that particularly alpha males are fixers, then she will be able to guide the relationship.
If a male knows he’s a fixer, you have to know yourself and your qualities. Then he can guide the relationship the way you want to mutual satisfaction.
Hadley: You wrote about many incompatible matches you’ve met through supposedly selective searching and matchmaking agencies for wealthy, marriage-minded men. You sorted through your mismatches.
So I’m wondering what made you answer a personal ad and develop a relationship with a highly-paid escort. What was the real attraction there?
Charles: The real attraction was more of a, I don’t want to say “a cosmic connection.” It was just a feeling, to be perfectly honest.
Hadley: A feeling.
Charles: A feeling of connection. An energy.
Hadley: Well, that’s a good thing to draw you together. But you also wrote a chapter about how you proposed to this woman. And her reply wasn’t the Hollywood ending we saw in Pretty Woman. Why did you think she’d be a great wife for you?
Charles: Well, I never proposed to her. That was never an issue. We both decided we did not want to get married. We were in it for the relationship, to develop our relationship. Marriage never really came up.
Hadley: Oh. I guess I read more into the chapter where you wrote an email with your point of view, and then you presented her point of view.
Charles: Absolutely. We had an exclusive relationship for two years when she was not escorting. Then several events occurred, and she decided she wanted to go back to escorting. That’s when I wrote the email.
Hadley: I see.
Charles: This was more of a discussion why she should not go back to escorting, and the fact I would not tolerate her doing so.
Hadley: I thought it was for a permanent relationship. You didn’t say that, so I read more into it. I imagine other readers will think this, too. In fact you asked for your readers thoughts about her email reply to your email. Would you like my thoughts?
Charles: Sure. Remember this was based on a relationship of 2 years in which we were progressing.
Hadley: Then she did an about face?
Hadley: I felt when I read her email, it must have seemed cold and hurtful to you, but she did speak her truth. You’ve just said you were in an exclusive relationship for two years.
She wrote that she only said she loved you and acted as though she loved you, only because you were paying her to satisfy you and fulfill your fantasies and needs, not because she felt it nor wanted a long-term relationship with you.
Charles: And I found that very amusing, when I have many phone texts that state otherwise.
Hadley: That she was writing and telling you otherwise? So you think she was downplaying her feelings, because she didn’t want to give up her other life?
Charles: Absolutely. And her friends all corroborated my feelings and thoughts.
Hadley: How did this experience change how you plan to date to find love from now on?
Charles: I don’t know it changed my outlook. It was more of a learning process.
Hadley: I agree that every relationship is a learning tool.
Charles: Yes. You might be expecting that I’m bitter or broken or totally withdrawn, but actually it was just a learning experience.
Hadley: I wasn’t thinking about that. I was wondering if you’d date another escort.
Charles: Sure. Absolutely. If it’s right. I would not seek one out. But if the opportunity presented itself, my experience would not keep me from doing that. Primarily because, you hit on it, when you said in some of her statements she did speak the truth.
But in my letter I said she has two different personalities, two different energies pulling her in two different directions.
Hadley: Wouldn’t she need that, to be able to do what she does and also have a personal life?
Charles: Yes. I think you’re probably correct. But for two years, they were melded, and she did have a regular life.
Hadley’s epilogue: Charles wrote in his book that during those two years, he had paid her about $90,000. He did not say what she would’ve earned as an escort in that time.
Charles clearly believes her countless expressions of love were authentic. He does not believe she merely was fulfilling her job responsibilities for two years, as she suggested in her email to him.
What do you believe?
How do you ever really know what’s going on in someone else’s mind?
Fortunately, you get clues into someone’s mind when you pay attention to what they say and do from the first day you meet.
The handwriting always is on the wall from the start of a relationship, if you choose to read it.
What’s the handwriting in this real-life “Pretty Woman” scenario?
If you pay someone to date you exclusively, they’re probably dating you for the salary. How does a professional escort keep their emotions out of a steady sexual relationship with a client?
The same way a surgeon keeps their emotions out of a surgery, when operating on a patient. You compartmentalize your work life and keep it separate from your love life.
Compartmentalizing doesn’t create good partners for intimate relationships, because a good partner connects with you on many levels, in many different aspects of life and love.
Why is it so difficult for top neurosurgeons and the average guy to find love with a good partner?
Get the answers in the next highlights of this radio conversation for A Lasting Love.
Get all the happy, sexy love you desire,