Let’s talk to single men and women who want to stop dead-end dating and find love fast. Is it smart to delay lovemaking with an attractive stranger, or satisfy your lusty libido on the first date? Decide what choice is best for you as we explore dating myths and advice in highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with Veronica Anderson, M.D. She’s an Ivy-league educated physician, relationship adviser and radio host of Wellness For The Real World.
HF: You’re advising dating singles to have sex on first dates. What’s your reasoning for this controversial advice, Dr. Veronica?
DrV: I say go for it on the first date because times are different. We’re in the internet age where we’ve emailed, skyped, googled, looked at profiles on linkedin and facebook and done everything to check someone out before we meet in person. So if your relationship is going to have glue, you need that sexual chemistry. The only thing you need to know on the first date after you’ve done background research on the internet, is if that chemistry is there. If it is, go for it heavy and hard. If it’s not there, then you both need to move on.
HF: So you don’t agree with giving someone a second chance to make a good first impression if they’re nervous on first date or if you’re not sure about the chemistry.
DrV: I don’t agree, because of the science. Sexual chemistry is pheromones reacting and each of your biological systems reacting to figure out if you have the glue to be good mates and produce good offspring. Those are things that bond couples together. If you don’t have that, then you won’t bond. So when you meet someone, you should have that chemistry going on right away to keep a relationship together. If sexual chemistry isn’t good in the beginning, it won’t get good later.
HF: Some studies reveal instant chemistry happens most in your childbearing years, when your DNA instantly tells you that you will have your immune bases covered and create great babies with someone. Yet that love at first sight chemistry doesn’t necessarily kick in after 40, when women and men have passed your peak childbearing years.
DrV: After childbearing years this changes a bit, but sex still is important to a relationship in later years. Most relationships face two major issues: sex and money. People can deal with the money being bad if the sex is good a lot of the time. It’s the glue to the relationship, even if you’re not planning on having children. Sexual relationship is a major component of intimacy. If you throw away sex, then you might as well just be friends with that person.
HF: Many dating experts encourage men and women to give friendship the chance to catch fire and grow into a romance. You’re saying don’t waste your time if the sexual chemistry isn’t there from the start.
DrV: There are two sides to this issue. Men and women each will have strong feelings about waiting for sex or having it early and often. If you’re a person who wants to go for it early and you hook up with someone who doesn’t, then you have two different life philosophies that may not create a good relationship. That’s good to figure out early, too.
HF: What do you say to churchgoing people who believe having sex outside of marriage is wrong?
DrV: I meet many couples who got married to have sex and they are unhappily married today. Others had sex right away and they’re still happy and enjoying sex after many years together. What works for a couple’s sexual chemistry doesn’t have anything to do with what society or religion says.
If religious people have sex early, they can feel shame and guilt that casts negativity on their relationship. If you can’t admit your sexual attraction and express it in a physical way without guilt, then it’s smart to find a match who also believes in your dating and waiting philosophy and don’t hook up with someone who doesn’t. Same is true if you believe in Steve Harvey’s philosophy to wait 90 days before having sex. If the person you meet doesn’t agree, then you’re not a good match.
HF: So if you feel sparks of chemistry right from the start, your body chemistry and intuition may be guiding you to a partner who’ll spark a lasting fire of love with you. What else can big attraction be telling you about compatibility?
Find out in part 2 of our series to help men and women stop dead-end dating and find love fast.
You can find Dr. Veronica’s radio show and webtv show, Medicine Woman Modern World when you visit www.DrVeronica.com
And if you or your single friends are seeking great love, I’ll help you choose your perfect match in the dating site I created for positive, successful singles. Take a free look around as my guest at www.TribeOfSingles.com
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