Do frequent thoughts of a past love ever interfere with your ability to love freely and deeply now? Focusing on memories of a past lover distracts you from finding or being fully present with a new lover, even if you are married to them.
The greatest present you can give a loved one and yourself is to be fully present with all of your senses in the present moment. Are you ready to be fully present and free to love deeply now? If so, you can let go of a former love by taking 7 simple steps:
Step 1. See your past lover with rose-colored magnifiers.
This means you look beyond passionate memories or romantic longings that bind you to your former lover. Only then can you see a clear closeup, unvarnished view of their weaknesses, flaws or truths that presented you with challenges and opportunities for growth.
Step 2. Figure out what fueled your strong attraction.
It was not lasting love because your relationship ended. So what drew you to that lover?
You may have been magnetically attracted to your Imago, which is Harville Hendrix’s term for a person who embodies characteristics of our parents or early caregivers.
I see the Imago as one who throws salt on your childhood wounds so that you can heal them as an adult. The more negative the characteristics your Imago shares with your early caregivers, the greater the attraction you feel.
Step 3. Learn the love lessons your former love taught you.
I often tell my online community that big attraction comes with big love lessons attached like a bow. Learn the love lessons so you don’t have to repeat them. And give thanks to your former lover for teaching you the lessons you needed to heal childhood wounds and feel whole.
Step 4. Be the silent witness of your thoughts.
We are not our thoughts. We are the silent witness of our thoughts. In a quiet moment, be aware of the self-talk the clutters your inner silence. Notice how your inner critic puts you down or stops you from starting fresh. Whenever your inner critic acts up, simply smile and mentally ask them to take a vacation so you can be your own best friend and experience joy again.
Step 5. Rewire your brain by taking new actions.
Positive thinking alone can’t help you break your habit of longing for a former love and staying tied to your past.
It also takes consistent positive actions that rewire your brain so that you can make positive choices. By choosing to be fully present in each moment, your past loses its hold on you. Then letting go becomes effortless.
Step 6. Fake it to feel it.
When you act as if you are free of the past, you will feel free of the past. Stop noting places you went or things you did with your former love. See each place as if it’s for the first time. Be curious and keep a beginner’s mind to start new projects or to keep things fresh new in your daily life and relationships.
Step 7. Give Thanks That You Are Free To Love Deeply And Live Your Dreams Now
No one wants to live or die with your song unsung. So when is the best time like now to sing from the bottom of your heart? Make a promise to yourself: From this moment on and with a grateful heart I will use my talents to experience joy, build bridges in all of my relationships and fulfill my dreams of even greater success, health, happiness and love.
Love deeply and live your dreams now,