Earlier in our series, you discovered how to lower the cost of divorce and avoid the worst divorce mistakes that harm you and your children. Now you avoid ending up in another divorce using the dating plan you get in Part 3 highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with two successful divorcees.
Carolyn Ellis, My Divorce Resource Kit (buy at a 30% discount using code: LOVE) and Debbie S. Gibson Make Your Divorce Cost You Less join me in explaining how to see a devastating divorce as the doorway to a great new life.
Hadley: If you’ve enjoyed an active sex life during your marriage, it’s difficult to give that up after a breakup or divorce. Newly-single men and women often dive into a new serious relationship or marriage before they’ve grown through the pain and grief of divorce. People who remarry too soon often end up in divorce court again, since over 60% of 2nd and 3rd marriages fail and 70 to 90 % of 4th and 5th marriages end in divorce.
How do you avoid that fate?
Use the golden rule of dating after divorce. Date 10 people for each year you were married. Married 20 years, you date 200 people before you marry again. Why?
Because the new you will want new things in a new relationship.
So give yourself solitary time to grow through grieving lost love, and fall in love with the person you’re becoming. Carolyn and Debbie, what dating advice do you have for single parents with children living at home?
Carolyn: Wow. I’ve got to get my train in gear here, if I’m going to get to that 200 number. The most important step is to start dating yourself first. Bring flowers to your table. Candles at dinnertime. Hire a sitter and get in touch with doing things that spark joy and passion.
Date yourself first, to let your busy mom or dad persona melt away. Great start to get out there and appreciate how you get to meet new people and experience new things, whether or not it turns into a second date or it’s a bust. Hold a place of appreciation for meeting another human being who’s had a tough journey and who’s working on their soul curriculum just like you. Where the connection leads is where it leads. Being in the state of appreciation brings a beautiful energy to dating and meeting new people.
Hadley: Wonderful advice. To reach my 200 first date goal after my 20 year marriage ended, I joined the lunchtime matchmaking service. My first instinct after being married my whole adult life was to duplicate it. What I discovered in dating was everyone’s going through the same journey. You give tips and get tips to help each other through it. Even if you never see each other again, you can make your date a joyful, loving experience as you do your personal growth and become the amazing person that you’re becoming through this growing process. Debbie, what advice do you have for dating after divorce?
Debbie: Since I was married 6 years, I’ve surpassed the golden rule of dating after my divorce. And I agree you need time to take care of yourself, pamper yourself, get over the bad thing that’s happened and build your new life.
I moved to a new state on my divorce day. I had no connections there, so I started doing new things that interested me. I got involved in meetup.com groups. Then I did my first stint on a dating site and had great experiences meeting and talking to men.
Before you get over that emotional part of the trauma, I encourage you to just focus on yourself like we’ve said.
How do you get over the trauma of lost love?
Find out in Part 4 highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with Carolyn Ellis and Debbie S. Gibson. Or listen to the whole conversation now by clicking here.
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