Divorced men and women may unknowingly carry old emotional baggage that prevents them from being good partners in a new relationship. Avoid that heartbreak as you discover how to solve the top 4 problems of dating a divorced match.
Top 4 Problems In Dating A Divorced Man Or Woman: Solved
Problem 1. Still Living In The Past
A divorced man or woman may resist changes involved in letting go of married life.
They may talk of regrets or a desire to go back and fix the mistakes that killed their marriage. They may glorify their ex and tell you about all the good things they lost, without recalling the challenges. They may describe their ex as a loser or a monster to justify breaking up their marriage. They may stay in contact with their ex through regular phone calls, or stopping by their family home to see the children instead of taking them out for visitation. They still may be having breakup sex with their ex. They may be stuck in the past, if that’s their main topic of conversation.
The solution: When your date begins to talk about the past again, you might ask when they last had sex with their ex. You begin to ask questions about their life now. Ask how they see their ideal life now and in the future. Ask about their dreams and what steps they take each day to make them real. Ask what their dream relationship is like and share your views to see if you’re a compatible match long term.
Understand this: If he/she resists talking about the present, they may feel more comfortable living in the past. Do you really think they are ready to be in a new relationship with you now?
Problem 2. Not Learning Love Lessons
A divorced man or woman may tell you they have no idea what caused their divorce. They may blame their ex for all the problems or talk about symptoms, like constant fighting, or drinking too much, or having affairs, or being overwhelmed by demands of career and parenting, without understanding what caused these symptoms.
The solution: Mention how relationships teach us love lessons that we need to learn so we don’t repeat them in a new relationship. Ask them about their role in their breakup. Ask if there is anything they would do differently in a new relationship to make it work.
Understand this: If he/she can’t identify their love lessons, then they’re destined to repeat them until they get the lesson. Ask yourself if you want to learn the same lessons with them, before you decide to enter a serious relationship.
Problem 3. Not Wanting To Remarry Or Have Children
A divorced man or woman may still be grieving the death of their marriage. They may be feeling the pain of being cheated on or rejected. They may be suffering from financial losses and adjusting to downsized life after divorce. They may be feeling overwhelmed by being the sole custodial parent. They may tell you they don’t want the added responsibility of blending families or having more children with a new partner. They may be older than 45, the traditional family-starting years, and be unwilling to start a new family with you now.
The solution: If you want to marry and raise a family, be sure to ask a match on initial dates if he/she wants to remarry and have children. No need to waste precious time dating someone who doesn’t share these important goals. If a divorced date already has children, ask how much time each week they devote to them. If they don’t have alternate weekends or regular overnight visitation with their children, be sure to ask why they’ve given parenting responsibilities to their ex.
Ask yourself if you want to partner with someone who doesn’t have time or interest in being a hands-on parent.
Understand this: A newly-divorced man or woman may need time to grow through grief, adjust to the loss of married life and create a new life on their own. Once accomplished they may be ready to remarry or raise a family. Ask yourself if you’re willing to wait or if it’s best to move on and find a match who shares your desire to marry and have a family with you right now.
Problem 4. Not Making You A Top Priority
A divorced man or woman may tell you or show you that their top priorities are their children or their career. They may show up late for dates or cancel at the last minute because of work or childcare conflicts. They may take calls from their ex while they’re with you or schedule meetings with their ex or their children instead of being with you. They still may confide in their ex and resist sharing secrets or feelings with you.
The solution: Before you enter a serious relationship with someone who isn’t available, decide how much time you want to be with your love match. Don’t have sex, meet their children, or commit to a relationship until you find out if this match will invest the time and energy needed to create a new life and relationship that fulfills your needs and theirs.
In an early dating conversation, mention that fulfilling each partners needs must be a top priority in a relationship, if you want love to last.
Understand this: Never give more than you get in a relationship or ask for more than you give. If you want to give your all to someone who gives little in return, ask yourself how long you’d be happy in a one-sided relationship that may never fulfill your needs. Is it time to find a match who can love and be loved the way you desire and deserve?
Get all the happy, sexy love you desire,