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Are you smart, savvy, and funny while you control the conversations with your date or mate? Are you a whiner or complainer? If you like to explain, defend or talk about yourself in most conversations, you may be a lousy listener. Find out from a reformed lousy listener why zen listening is an act of love that helps you create healthy relationships.
Author, Ken Donaldson, once was told by a date that he was a lousy listener. That’s when he began to practice the art of listening. Ken is now a master relationship coach and author of the popular book, Marry Yourself First — Saying “I Do” To A Life Of Passion, Power and Purpose.
During my recent interview with Ken Donaldson, he explained how to use the art of zen listening to become a better communicator in your relationships.
What is zen listening?
ZEN is finding enlightenment through intuition and introspection.
LISTENING is making an effort to attentively hear what another person is saying.
ZEN LISTENING might best be described as the enlightened art of using one’s intuition and introspection to be fully present with another person during a conversation for the purpose of thoroughly hearing and understanding the other person.
Why is this so important?
When you thoroughly listen, you create a powerful communication dynamic that deepens your relationships and forms powerful boundaries at the same time. A zen listener eliminates the potential of unnecessary conflict and creates a more powerful presence.
How do you become a zen listener?
* By letting go of your own agendas, opinions, judgments and/or advice
* By being present with the other person and disconnecting from your need to inject your own thoughts
* By inviting the other person to say more
* By asking for clarification when you are unclear about what is being said
* By offering understanding when you really get what the other person is conveying
* By being an objective listener and ovserver since this is all about understanding (and not about agreeing) so there is no right or wrong
* By letting go of criticism
* By listening with all of your senses and your intuition to really gain a thorough experience of the other person’s communication
* By asking the other person what they would like from you. If they request input or advice, then feel free to offer it. But if not, be prepared to just offer your best Zen listening.
What are the benefits of zen listening?
If you want to enjoy healthy, lasting and fulfilling relationships, you need to become an effective communicator. The best communicator does the most powerful listening. Zen listening is an act of love that helps you create healthy relationships.
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Hadley
