Highlights Of Hadley Finch’s Interview With Wendy Lipton-Dibner
Despite billions of dollars spent on self improvement annually, millions of us fall short of achieving our goals. You can get everything you ever wanted in life and love right now, as you discover 3 critical components of success and take 3 steps to break through your love blocks, deal with difficult people, be even more successful, find love and create better relationships with everyone in your life.
Are you skeptical of these lofty claims? Self-help experts have endorsed the
3-step formula for guaranteed success, which you’ll discover in highlights of Hadley Finch’s interview for A Lasting Love with Wendy Lipton-Dibner.
Wendy is a resource that CEOs, success gurus and even the US Senate call for help. She wrote the amazon bestselling book, Shatter Your Speed Limits-Fast Track Your Success and Get What You Truly Want In Business and in Life.
Hadley: What three steps must we take to guarantee that we always get every goal?
Wendy: Getting what you want every time—guaranteed, depends on your ability to follow a very simple 3-step formula:
Desire + Resources + Permission = Action.
Hadley: Let’s examine each part of the formula.
Wendy: Start at the beginning—
Desire: You have to know what you truly want and why you want it.
In discovering your “Why” you discover your true goal. The harder the goal, the more important the “Why” becomes. A powerful “Why” drives you to use your time, energy and enthusiasm to fulfill it. Figuring out how to do that is the 2nd step.
Resources: Identify the assets and abilities you already have and will need to reach your goal.
Resources can be anything from the right people to the right skills. Every goal-setting expert will tell you to write it down, or it’s not going to happen.
So make a “Here’s what I’ve got” list of the skills and support system you already have in place that will help you achieve your goal.
Then make a “Here’s what else I need” list of things you are missing that you may need to be able to take effective action. Now you’re ready for step 3.
Permission: Give yourself the green light to go for your goal and succeed.
You may feel like a racehorse at the gate, eager and ready for the race to begin. Yet humans have a mental process that can slow you down or stop you from going for it.
In order to give yourself permission, you first must do this:
Notice your own Speed Limits–which are rules or fearful, limiting thoughts
you’ve put into place to keep you safe or stop you from going where you want to go.
It’s important to look at your rules that you’ve set or others have set for you. It doesn’t really matter who set the rules, as long as you know you’ve got these blocks.
You also look at your fears of what might go wrong.
In each case, you ask yourself if your rules or your fears or your limited thinking are helping you get where you want to go, or not.
If you find that they are blocking your progress, then consider breaking your rules
or changing them so they work for you, instead of against you.
You also embrace your fears and move forward any way, without being reckless, of course.
Once you have done this work, then you give yourself permission to go for it.
You take the actions you need to guarantee your success every time.
Hadley: Now I’ll help single men and women apply these 3 steps to find the love you dream of.
Step 1. Desire: You have to know what you truly want and why you want it.
If what you truly want is to find love, then ask yourself, “Why do I want this?”
Is it so you can enjoy great chemistry, communication and kindness in a loving relationship? Or so you can share your life adventures, including challenges, and
love and be loved by someone wonderful?
Consider many reasons why you want to find love. Choose your strongest “Why.”
Then write it down, so it becomes real and drives you to take the next step.
Step 2. Resources: Identify the assets and abilities you already have, along with additional ones you will need to get to reach your goal.
Resources can be anything from the right people to the right skills. Don’t over complicate this step.
Here are some resources to fulfill your goal to find love:
* Sign up for a dating site (like SinglesLoveMatches.com gift coupon code: tribelifetime09 ) by entering your name and screen name, writing a dating profile, reading profiles of potential matches, creating a gmail account for your dating correspondence, contacting people on the dating site, chatting by email-video-phone, sorting through mismatches, meeting potential matches in a public place, seeing someone again if there’s a mutual click of interest to get to know each other.
Sign up for a lunchtime matchmaking service, and go out on lunch dates they arrange for you.
* Choose dating clothes and a flattering hair style that present the first impression you desire.
Get some daily exercise, eat wholesome foods, drink purified water, and get regular sleep so you look and feel your best.
* Tell friends and family that you’re ready to date someone special and ask if they have anyone in mind for you. Follow up until they introduce you.
* Line up a babysitter, if needed, so that you are free to go out on dates with intriguing matches.
* Make a list of the best qualities in yourself and in the people you admire, and then choose matches with these qualities.
* Write down any other resources you still may need to find love, like budgeting for dating clothes or dating activities. With your resources in place, take the next step.
Step 3. Permission: Give yourself the green light to go for your goal
to find love and succeed.
In order to give yourself permission, you first must notice your own Love Limits–which
are rules put into place to keep you safe, or fears that stop you from going where you
want to go.
Some people let their rules, fears or circumstances block them from seeing or using their resources.
In our example of finding love, some limiting thoughts (red lights) that block love include:
* I can’t start dating until my children are in college.
* All the good ones are taken, so why bother dating?
* I’m too old to date.
* Who would love me at my weight?
* I can go out after I get a new job.
* I’m waiting to find love by chance.
What’s the best way to handle these limiting thoughts?
Ask yourself if they help you get what you want or block your progress.
Then look at the blocks and consider breaking or changing rules, so they work for you, instead of against you.
You may choose to embrace your fears and move forward any way, without being reckless.
With your new rules and thoughts in place, now you are ready to use your resources and take actions to find love now.
Hadley: Some single men and women may say they want to find love now, without realizing that they’re stuck in dead-end dating attitudes or actions that sabotage love and marriage. How do you help them?
Wendy: People often sabotage themselves out of a loving relationship without knowing it, when the subconscious mind protects them and their status quo.
Some people hold onto limiting thoughts or actions because they were raised to believe things like, “Life is tough. You are not supposed to be happy.” Or they’ve learned to live by rules that actually ruin relationships.
Hadley: What’s the antidote, and how do you use it?
Wendy: Again, it’s three simple steps:
1. You look back at those old rules that you’ve been exposed to and that you may have followed.
2. Your self awareness helps you identify rules or beliefs that are blocking love, success, happiness.
3. You replace self defeating rules, thoughts, beliefs with proven attitudes and actions that achieve your goals.
Hadley: It’s important to learn and use these steps to find love and build relationships you love, because your relationship success determines your level of success in every aspect of your life.
If you aren’t happy with the results you’ve been getting in life and love, then it’s time
to do something new to get new results you desire and deserve.
Hadley: Now let’s use this formula to deal with difficult people who steal your joy or block your success.
Wendy: A piece of the formula is to recognize the conversations going on in your head. Your inner critic comes out when you deal with difficult people, who often are difficult because they don’t have enough self esteem. Their inner critic makes you feel worse, so they can feel better.
Your challenge is to flip it around. Rather than accept their invitation for you to feel bad, you make them feel better. The challenge is to nurture them in that moment. How?
You will notice someone’s pain by saying, “Wow. Sounds like you’re having a tough, tough day.” When you offer empathy to a difficult person, it disarms them. They suddenly recoil rather than fighting more.
Hadley: If you are hard on yourself yet nice to other people, then you can relieve that burden by asking your inner critic to go on vacation—so you can feel better and be your own best friend.
Wendy: You also can talk to your inner critic in disarming ways. That sounds like this:
Start an inner dialogue by asking, “Why are you doing this to me?”
Say the first reason that comes to mind.
Then explain why that reason doesn’t make sense; why it stops you from getting what you want.
Now tell your inner critic how you’re going to change that. Then do it.
During your inner dialogue, you may hear the voice of a strict parent blocking your joy or progress. You can say to yourself, “I am in charge of my own life now, and I make my own rules.”
Then make new choices and rules that serve you best.
Hadley: How can using will power and saying positive affirmations cause you to fail?
Wendy: If you force yourself to always think positively, you are ill equipped to handle negativity or tough challenges that knock you down. That’s one way depression can happen quickly.
Understand that the only reason we get negative is because we are angry about something. How do you find and fix that?
Ask yourself what you’re angry about. Pay attention to the reason that comes to mind.
Then you can take effective action to deal with it realistically.
Hadley: Unattended hurt leads to anger. Often we’re angry because someone has told us, ‘No.’
If so, you need to find a way to deal with and feel better about that ‘No.’ How do you turn “No” into a ‘Yes’ that gives you permission to progress?
Wendy: You do something to progress, instead of covering up the hurt with a band aid of positive affirmations.
Hadley: A common complaint I hear from men and women alike is that their sex life
has grown dull or nonexistent in a long-term relationship. How does this 3-step success formula help couples revive passion and deepen sexual intimacy?
Wendy: First step is to go through this 3-step formula as individuals.
This insures that you don’t lose yourself when you become part of a couple, because that’s when you lose your passion.
Next, go through the 3-step formula again as a couple:
* Find out what you each want in your relationship (desire).
* Talk specifically about what has to happen to get your relationship where you want it to be (resources).
* Discuss what needs to be said or done or what rules need to be changed to help you improve your relationship (permission).
* Take those actions to fulfill your goals together (= action).
Hadley: Why else should couples take these steps together?
Wendy: Exploring the things you want and dream about in your life and finding rules that are holding you back, just talking about this develops a profound intimacy that brings you closer as a couple.
Hadley: How do you fast-track your success in life, at work and in relationships?
Wendy: Always analyze your action formula first:
* Look at your desire, resources and permission.
* Ask yourself what you are missing in any part of the formula.
* Once you identify what’s missing, then you can fix it and take actions to get your goal rapidly.
Hadley: I have a success tip for dating singles and committed couples who want to love deeply and live your dreams now:
Make a firm decision that you will never again settle for anything less than
what you truly want in life and love.
Once you make that decision, then follow this 3-step success formula:
Desire + Resources + Permission = Action
Keep doing what works. Stop doing what doesn’t. Then notice how quickly things begin to fall into place.
I also encourage you to teach this success formula to your children, so they get a head start on finding and living their dreams and creating better relationships with everyone in their life.
Selective Singles Find Love in 12 Weeks
With Help from Hadley Finch and Experts She Interviews