If you are dating after divorce and feeling disappointed by a series of dead-end dates, you may be making this big dating mistake that stops you from loving again. I’d like you to understand the big dating mistake that I unwittingly repeated for a couple years after my long marriage ended in divorce so that you can avoid it.
What was my big dating mistake after divorce?
I was eager to duplicate my intimate connection, style of communication and roles that I played in my marriage with a new intimate partner.
This was the only relationship that I’d known in my adult life. I had learned about love as a wife and mother. I hadn’t dated much before I met and married my former husband. So I knew how to love, not how to date. This was my comfort zone, and I had no idea that I had to break out of it if I wanted to love again.
How did I break out of my comfort zone?
I learned how to date.
I traded my mom clothes for still hot mama clothes when I went out on a date.
I joined a matchmaking service that introduced me to a creative or professional date once a week over lunch.
I learned how to use the internet so that I could join an online dating site — after my 13 year old daughter encouraged me to do so when she gave me the film, “You’ve Got Mail.”
Since my only travel adventures had been with my husband and eventually with our children, I traveled solo to two continents to show myself that I could do this — with unexpected dating advice from my teenage children.
I let go of unrealistic love tests that I presented on dates, like waiting for love at first sight like I’d felt when I met my former husband.
I stopped seeking The One and started creating friendships with great single men I met on 3 continents.
I recovered from a mysterious injury that nearly destroyed my hope of loving again.
I revived my career dreams and took action on them every day, and I was delighted by the album of songs, novel, podcast show and singles club that grew out of my break up and rebirth.
I realized that I was too busy to nurture a romantic relationship while I dedicated myself to launching my kids and fulfilling my career goals.
I gave myself a chance to grow into the new woman I was becoming before I entered a new relationship.
I regained balance in my personal and professional life, so that I have freedom to focus on a new relationship.
I let go of a desire to duplicate the intimacy or roles that I once played in my marriage, so that I finally feel free to love again.
I hope this helps you enjoy dating after divorce. When you focus on becoming your best you after divorce and before you enter a serious dating relationship, you will attract a love match who appreciates the new you as you develop a new vision for a happy relationship.
And if you’re single and seeking your great love, I invite you to claim a free, one-month trial membership in the Singles Club of Tribe Of Blondes. Not a hair color, it’s a resilient optimism that unites us and fuels our passionate choices and personal triumphs.
Start meeting savvy singles for video chats, book discussions, social events and travel vacations. Claim your free, 30-day membership now. Simply click on SINGLES CLUB in the menu bar. Enjoy!
Dedicated to you dating and relationship happiness,