Love is blind. Is that a big risk in dating and relationships? Or is it a secret of enduring happiness? You’re about to discover why love blindness is a desirable condition that can keep the fire of romance burning throughout decades of marriage.
What is love blindness?
It’s seeing your intimate partner with your heart instead of through harsh, critical eyes. That’s my theory, and recent scientific research supports it.
In 2007, Helen Fisher, PhD. and her research team set out to discover why some people were still wild about their longtime spouse. They studied brain imaging tests of 17 such people as they looked at a photograph of their beloved mate. Most people were in their 50s and married two decades.
Dr. Fischer and her team were surprised to discover that these middle-aged men and women showed the same brain activity as young lovers under the dizzying feeling of intense romantic love. Psychologists had told us these feelings usually faded within the first 18 months to 3 years of a relationship.
How did these mid-life couples sustain intense romantic feelings for decades?
Was it shared values, fair fighting, great communication, chemistry and kindness–the qualities that are thought to create happy relationships?
These question were studied by a researcher in Geneva, Switzerland named Dr. Marcel Zentner. He found only one quality leads to sustained romance–the ability to sustain your “positive illusions.”
Why are Positive Illusions a secret to lasting romance?
Men and women who continue to maintain that their partner is attractive, funny, kind and ideal for them in just about every way remain content with each other.
Dr. Helen Fisher gave a real-life example of Dr. Zentner’s findings in Oprah Magazine as she described her fit, energetic college friends who married and turned into overweight couch potatoes. Yet they still say their partner hasn’t changed a bit. Dr. Fisher suggested this form of self deception is a gift from nature, enabling us to triumph over the rough spots and the changes in our relationships.
Benjamin Franklin understood this notion when he gave this wise advice to newlyweds: Go into a marriage with your eyes wide open. Then keep them half closed.
I received Ben Franklin’s advice in my brother’s toast at my wedding. It took me years to appreciate it’s true beauty:
When you close your critical eye, you are free to see with your heart. This is a secret to sparking romance and experiencing timeless joy and lasting love in relationships.
Will you choose to see with your heart in your relationship from now on? Let us know how that works for you in the comment box after this post.
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Meet singles free when you click on SINGLES CLUB in the menu bar and sign up now. Enjoy!
Dedicated to our dating and relationship happiness,