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Guide to Lasting Love – How to Bulletproof Your Relationship Against 7 Mistakes That Cause Break Ups

How secure is your relationship? Could you be riding into the sunset with your mate, unaware that they are ready to change course? Don’t be blindsided by a break up. Learn how to bullet proof your relationship against 7 mistakes that cause most break ups. Then go use 7 secrets of lasting love to spark up your relationship.

Here Are The Top 7 Mistakes That Cause Most Break Ups And What To Do Instead:

Mistake 1. Abuse, affairs and workaholism are tied as the top causes of break ups and divorce.

There is an addictive quality in each behavior that steals focus, power and trust from your intimate relationship.
Unattended hurts and unmet emotional needs often prompt these addictive behaviors.

What to do instead:

To start the recovery process, seek counseling or a 12 step program to treat your addiction before you can repair the damage and rebuild trust in your relationship.

Mistake 2. Settling into relationship ruts

Do you have strong beliefs of how you and your mate should behave? Your “Shoulds” can put you in a cage.

Do you go out to the same places, eat the same foods, tell the same stories, make love the same way?
Predictability can bring on the boredom. If you’re feeling bored, it means you are making boring choices.

What to do instead:

Keep your relationship exciting.
Stop “Shoulding” each other today.
Add a sense of fun and play in your daily interactions.
Start dating your mate again.
Plan new outings, eat in different restaurants, listen to new music.
Ask new questions and discover new things about each other.
Think of a surprise that you can spring once a week.
Find new ways to add a feeling of magic and enchantment to your intimate moments and daily routine. You will feel like you’re in a new relationship.

Mistake 3. Doing more talking than listening

Controlling the conversation, complaining, commanding or constantly updating your wants, needs, desires, life stories is a one-way conversation that will drain the fun and life out of any relationship.

It’s also a sign of being rigid and uncompromising, which may cause a loss of respect and a loss of attraction.

What to do instead:

Listening is an act of love. Tell your partner that you want to break your habit of dominating the conversation. You want to find out their needs, wants, desires and find ways to satisfy them.

Your loving listening will help you start fresh and spark up your relationship so it feels new.

Mistake 4. Showing little appreciation or support for your mate

You may be so focused on your duties, deadlines or demands that you are too busy to pay attention or spend time with your mate.

What you focus on grows. Are you growing your career or outside pursuits and letting your relationship whither and die? If you don’t believe in changing focus at this dangerous crossroads, then you must believe in break ups and divorce.

What to do instead:

Balance your focus and begin to show your support and appreciation for your mate.
Tell your beloved that you want to improve your relationship.
Make sure your behavior matches your words so you can rebuild faith and trust.
Be kind and gentle with quirks or mood swings.
Be aware of the little things that make your partner happy and do them.
Find new ways to enjoy time together and explore common interests or new hobbies
Plan an activity that you each look forward to each week
Avoid criticism and comment on your mate’s positive qualities and personal growth as a way to promote more growth and good feelings.

Mistake 5. Crossing boundaries or not setting healthy boundaries

Are you investing more emotional energy in bonding with an attractive co-worker than with your mate? You are having an emotional affair. Are you tolerating this destructive behavior in your mate? You are an enabler.

When you pursue or enable a harmful, distracting, or abusive behavior, you are not supporting the good health and well being of your mate, yourself or your relationship.

What to do instead:

Recognize the need for healthy boundaries to protect and preserve your primary intimate relationship.

Make a mutual commitment to set new boundaries or stop crossing the old ones.

Apologize for your role in past breaches of boundaries. This is a four part process:

1. Express your regret.
2. Acknowledge the harm that was done
3. Commit that you will avoid repeating harmful behavior
4. Honor your commitment

Mistake 6. Letting the flame die out

You may feel the chemistry is flat in your relationship, yet you don’t do anything to revive it. You may have tried, but your partner wasn’t responsive or they rejected your suggestions. So you give up and leave your intimate connection for dead without doing couples CPR.

What to do instead:

Revive the heartbeat of your relationship through Couples CPR by improving 3 relationship skills:

1. Communication:

Speak from your heart as to how your lack of passion and intimacy makes you feel.

Ask for your mate’s feelings and reactions. Start a dialogue that cultivates growth as a couple.

2. Personal Growth:

The endorphins of romance, what I call Cupid’s Cocktails, may spark your chemistry and cloud your view of reality at the start of your relationship. If the initial rush of pleasure goes flat in time, you may wonder what’s left to keep you together.

You can revive your mutual interest and spark up your chemistry by:
exploring common values, interests and hobbies
sharing more laughter – an endearing aphrodisiac
setting new goals and setting out on new adventures as a team

3. Resilience:

You can bounce back from relationship doldrums or despair. In physics, the dominant vibrations wins. You change the vibration of thoughts, feelings and actions the same way you change the show you are watching on TV– by flipping the channel.

Will you tune into a cold horror flick or a romantic love story?

Choose the channel. You can be resilient and rise above any negative behavior by consistently flipping the switch to a better behavior. You may become a fan of the new behavior and make it a habit.

Mistake 7. Depending on your mate to make you happy

You don’t have a life outside of your relationship. You’re just living your life, waiting for your mate to fulfill your needs or add excitement to your life.

What to do instead.

Don’t just live your life. Love your life. And fall in love again with yourself. I tell my online community how to do this by following the 5 Rs:

Revive your dreams and take action on them everyday.
Rev up your good qualities. As you strengthen your strengths, any weakness seems less important.
Recharge your health in safe and wholesome ways.
Remember the love in your past and forget your sad old stories or expectations.
Remain optimistic. Expect good things to happen and make better choices for your greater happiness, health and fulfillment.

Your healthy self love and optimism are love magnets that may be irresistible to your mate.

Will you avoid the top 7 mistakes that cause most break ups? Will you make better choices that bring out the best in you and your mate?

If you do so, you will bullet proof your relationship with lasting love. You will feel delighted by renewed chemistry, communication, kindness and commitment as you and your mate ride into the sunset together!

About Hadley Finch

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