Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want. Do you want to accept your next experience? Yes or No?
Your one-word answer to this Love Test may reveal the source of trouble in your life and relationships. Learn how to self correct now.
What one word is the source of trouble in your relationships?
That word is NO. That tiny word is one of the most powerful and potentially destructive words we use.
Most of us, except for two year olds, have a hard time saying NO to other people. It triggers guilt and awkward feelings of rejection that we’d rather avoid. So we may let things slide rather than exercise our power to establish priorities or boundaries in our professional or personal relationships.
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There are ways to say NO to people in which you balance standing firm and getting what you want right now with keeping people happily functioning in relationship with you long term.
It’s not a defiant, unreasonable NO that shuts the door of communication. Think of it as the power of a positive NO that moves you back into a YES in your relationships. If you’d like to learn more, check out the book, The Power Of A Positive No: How to Say NO and Still Get to Yes, written by William Ury, a negotiation expert at Harvard.
“To say yes to the right things”–and not be overwhelmed, overworked and generally stressed out–“you have to say no to a lot of other things,” Ury says. The payoff, he notes, can be twofold, since delivering a respectful, decisive no can paradoxically strengthen your relationship with the person on the receiving end.
What if you say NO to an “experience”, as defined in our opening Love Test?
This means you are rejecting the life or love lessons that can be found within every experience, like the pearl inside the oyster shell. While it’s not wise to seek out experiences that cause you pain or trouble, we inevitably face challenging issues in life and love.
When you say NO or WHY ME?, you are resisting the experience which often increases your discomfort, much like a mother fighting the delivery of her baby instead of easing the birth with breathing, etc.
The positive choice is to accept this challenging experience as you think, “YES. Here’s the lesson I’m supposed to learn today. I will learn it now, so I don’t have to repeat it.”
“What part of NO don’t you understand?” a country song inquires. It’s a popular song because of its universal Love Test.
Nobody wants to experience a NO that slams the door in a relationship or personal growth that we gain in relationships.
With the correct attitude, you can accept a NO and seek love lessons established in this boundary. And you can say a positive NO that leads to a YES, when it opens the door to personal growth and greater understanding in your life and relationships.