Are you getting to know a virtual date by updating on an internet dating site? Are you ready to make a real connection? You’re about to learn how to use the Blink Factor and four more online dating tips to help you make a real connection with your virtual date:
1. A virtual connection isn’t real until you meet face to face. How do you suggest a real first date?
In your next written update, thank your virtual date for sharing personal information that helps you get to know each other. Then explain that your online connection may feel wonderful and full of possibilities, but nothing is real until you meet face to face. Are you ready to find out our real possibilities when we meet?
2. It’s possible to fall in love at the speed of write. How do you explain the drawbacks?
I tell my online community that it’s possible to fall in love at the speed of write, and I suggest ways to explain the drawbacks to your virtual date.
You may write that you’re beginning to feel connected in many positive ways. You’re looking forward to each update because you want to know and be known by them. Yet you don’t want to fall in love at the speed of write. That connection is fragile and fueled by fantasy. You’d rather build a relationship that is grounded in reality. The best way to do this is to meet face to face. Would you like to make things real?
3. Most of the meaning in virtual updates is lost or misunderstood. How do you find the lost meaning?
Social scientists report that only 20% of the meaning of a communication is experienced when you read the written word. The other 80% is experienced when you hear tone of voice or observe physical behavior.
How do you find the lost meaning in your online updating?
You might suggest a phone chat. If you like what you hear in your phone conversations, you may suggest a face to face meeting so that you can begin to communicate on many levels when you’re together.
4. Feelings that arise in a virtual connection may differ from feelings that arise in person. How do you find out which feelings are real?
I often compare a virtual update to a canvas, and the reader paints their own meaning and feelings on it. You may fall for a virtual self portrait. You may add a tone of sarcasm or affection to a written message, when it wasn’t intended by the writer. This may cause hurt feelings or misunderstandings.
How do you clear the air and find out which feelings are real?
Tell your virtual date that your misunderstandings will be cleared up as soon as you meet face to face.
5. There is a danger in being digitally close to you. How do you avoid this danger by using the Blink Factor?
Feelings that arise in a digital connection can be delightful, yet they aren’t as reliable as the feelings that arise when you first look into each others’ eyes. Here’s one more reason why this is true.
In his best-selling book, BLINK, Malcolm Gladwell revealed that we may learn as much in the first few seconds of looking in someone’s eyes as we would from knowing this person for years.
I often call this the Blink Factor in dating. It’s easy to use the Blink Factor to find out if your feelings are real or a fantasy that is not worthy of your attention. Simply meet your virtual date for a quick cup of coffee in a public place and be aware of your first thoughts and feelings. Then trust them like a guide advising you to move forward or pull back.
Before you meet, you may want to mutually agree that there is no pressure in a quick first date. If you each enjoy the feelings that arise over coffee or during a stroll in the park, only then will you agree to meet again for a second date.