Have you ever loved someone so much that you refused to let them go when they wanted to leave you? Have your ever fought to win back their love in ways that ignored your own well being? Have you ever willingly been involved in a love triangle that broke your heart?
Unfortunately, I have. I wrote about it in the opening scenes of my novel, TRIBE OF BLONDES. First, I’d like to read those scenes to you. Then I’ll tell you about a cure from the rain forest that could’ve eased the heartbreak of my breakup–if only I’d known about it when I was
Fortunately, I no longer choose to think about that painful period when I was tormented by jealousy while my husband dated a young woman and me during our breakup. I grew through it. And I’d never choose to be involved in that unhealthy triangle again. I only mention it to show you how I was caught in an emotional trap, fighting to hold onto a relationship even though my heart was ready to explode.
How else could I have handled the situation? Well, I discovered another option when I traveled to South America several years after my divorce and heard a story about a rain forest animal who was caught in a similar trap.
I heard how a spider monkey could climb any tree and outrun any hunter, but he could be caught easily because of one weakness. To take advantage of it, a hunter would walk through the jungle and drop a heavy box on the ground, having placed inside it a small nut that the spider monkey desired. The hunter had made a hole in the box narrow enough for a spider monkey to slide an open hand inside to grab hold of this nut. When the monkey closed his fist, it was too big to slide out of the box unless he let go of his treat. The box was too heavy for him to carry it away. What would a spider monkey do in that predicament?
He would sit there for hours, clinging to the nut in his fist. He would let the hunter walk up and snag him, rather than open his fist to gain his freedom.
Whether it was fact or folklore, that story gave me an AHA moment. It helped me see how I had been clinging to my reactions over being betrayed, as if my jealousy, anger, desire for revenge were part of me rather than feelings I could let go of. How I’d been clinging to my tightly-held beliefs and dreams of what my relationship should be, rather than opening my fist so I could see it as it was. And then let it go to gain my freedom from emotional trauma.
Why did I start my novel by painting an unvarnished self portrait for you to see?
When you look at it, do you see how you may be clinging to a feeling, a situation, a relationship in ways that harm you? When you see this side of yourself, are you willing to release the grip of your reactions on you, and you on them, to let them subside on their own? Will you love and respect yourself by opening your fist to gain your freedom?
In the opening scenes from my novel, I started opening my fist when I put down my pistol and picked up my pen to write an album of songs that are included, mostly as flashbacks, in the novel. I found that when I vented my intense emotions on a page, (as I did in the song clip from Rest In Peace that you just heard) that’s when I finally could relax and get some sleep after months of tormented, sleepless nights.
How could you apply this to your own life? How could you release any hurtful emotions that are stuck in your grasp? Could you write them out, sing or dance them out, cook, cry, walk, run, shout or breathe them out?
It doesn’t matter how you release your fist, as long as you let it go. Assuming you’d like to save your energies for better uses, like joy and freedom to be fully engaged with family, friends, work, play, life and love.
Do you see how you take a step toward love when you open your fist? That step guides you on A Course In Dating Miracles. Will you take that step to attract or improve a relationship?
These opening scenes were tough for me to write. They’re the only big breakup scenes I included in the novel to show you what launched my journey from lost love to the Fire Of Love. I’m relieved we’ve explored this episode in Our Pow Wow, so that I can let this go now.
Is there an episode you’d like to release by sharing it here? How did you grow and change because of it? I invite you to share your own experiences and candid comments in the box below this post.
Thanks for joining me. I hope to see you again soon and often, so we can share tips and stories that enrich our love lives.