Sexual Healing. Marvin Gaye sang about his soulful hunger for it in his 1982 hit song. People were captivated by his sensual vocals and by the notion of healing sex. Sexual scientists were intrigued. Twenty six years later, they’re still exploring the benefits of healing sex.
Is it a reason why married couples tend to outlive singles? Can you measure the benefits of healing sex? Can you get these benefits from casual dating? Some singles may not like the answers I’m about to give you. I’ll also reveal the three things you can do if you want to feel the benefits of sexual healing. If you want 3 new reasons to commit, keep reading.
What are the benefits of healing sex?
Many studies have measured better heart health. pain relief, a strong immune system, less depression, less arthritis and longer lives.
That sounds like good news for sexually active adults. There’s a catch. Healing sex is rare. The main goal of sexual healing isn’t orgasm, pleasure or aerobic fitness. It’s your connection with your partner.
Those were the findings of the late Paul Pearsall, Ph.D. He had studied the different impacts that lust and love had on our health in his 1994 book, HEALING INTIMACY: The Power Of Loving Connections (Crown Publishers). Dr. Pearsall had become an expert in that topic as a former director of professional education at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex and Reproduction. Dr. Pearsall described three key factors that are the basis for sexual healing:
Casual dating, affairs, intermittent sexual relationships are not healing because these couples don’t create meaningful bonds. It takes at least four years of frequent sex (twice a week minimum) to experience the health benefits.
Your intimate bond moves beyond the bedroom into each area of your daily life. How? You express your appreciation, kindness and caring for each other by being polite, by giving compliments, by showing respect, by smiling, touching and showing how much you enjoy each other’s company each day.
There are no secrets in your relationship. Only total connection and total trust.
Let’s take a moment to apply this to your love life. Have you observed or been part of an enduring relationship based on commitment, consideration and honesty? Do these qualities align with your values and behavior patterns?
How could these qualities help you improve a relationship? Do you see how the breakdown of one or more of these qualities could lead to a breakup? Or how a breakup might be avoided–if you rededicated yourself to nurture these qualities in each other?
What if you’re single and you’d like to be in a relationship? Do you value commitment? Are you kind? Are you able to trust? Are you trustworthy? How might these qualities influence your dating behavior?
Dating singles often give a budding relationship a few weeks or months to grow into something special. If that doesn’t happen, they move on. Some couples move on when the initial rush of Cupid’s Cocktails wears off–often long before the four-year mark when you start to experience the benefits of sexual healing.
Is sexual healing a desired goal? Now that you know the recipe for healing sex, it may enrich your experience of Sexual Healing the next time you hear Marvin Gay sing about his hunger for it. Will you do what it takes to experience it in your own love life?