Are you loving your partner the way they want to be loved? The best way to find out is to ask them a simple question: How could I love you better?
With this question, you speak to the heart of your partner and invite them to be vulnerable and honest with you. This opens the doorway to greater intimacy and understanding of how you can connect in meaningful ways.
Why are intimacy and understanding essential ingredients for a happy relationship?
Feelings may ebb and flow as you and your lover travel down the river of relationship and navigate the challenges of life and love. Think of intimacy and understanding as the boat that supports your journey and protects you from getting stuck on the banks of sorrow or loneliness.
We all have a deep need to feel understood and appreciated by a beloved and by people who are most important to us. This helps us feel whole and fully alive while it gives us a sense of belonging to something greater than ourselves.
You will increase intimacy and understanding when you develop these love skills:
1. Kind-hearted honesty
Clearly and consistently tell your partner what is working in the relationship so you promote positive growth and bring out the best in each other. If you feel something’s missing, tenderly explain how your partner might help you fulfill a need in your relationship, while you accept full responsibility for your own personal growth and happiness.
If you tend to complain and criticize, you are expressing cold-hearted honesty, because you only express your needs without being aware of how selfish honesty impacts your partner. This will destroy intimacy and understanding.
2. Celebrate differences
If both of you are the same, then one is unnecessary. Initially you were attracted to someone with different attributes that complement yours. Yet as the bonding brain chemicals (Cupid’s Cocktails) wear off, you might get annoyed by these differences. You may resist your partner’s political views or the way they express their needs or handle challenges.
You may want to change them, but be aware. You can’t change another person. You only can change your reaction to their behavior. You can choose to accept these differences and support their unique qualities without judgment or criticism. If you consistently find something you love about these differences or quirks, then you celebrate their uniqueness and yours.
3. Choose forgiveness
Keeping promises, building trust, affirming each others strengths and vulnerabilities, and making your partners needs as important as your own are love skills that promote intimacy and understanding. Even when you do your best to be loving, nobody’s perfect. What happens when you occasionally hurt each other?
A big obstacle to intimacy is holding a grudge and dredging up old mistakes, er missteps. I often tell my online community there are no mistakes–only choices with love lessons attached like a bow. When you learn the love lessons of hurtful choices, then you don’t have to repeat them.
Practicing forgiveness is how you let go of past missteps and consistently start fresh with your partner. It removes the need to hide secrets, and it releases resentments or anger before they build into a block to intimacy.
Ideally you now understand how to answer the question, “How could I love you better?”
With each choice you make, you either deepen or weaken intimacy and understanding. When you practice kind-hearted honesty, celebrate differences and choose forgiveness, you support a joyful journey down the deep river of relationship with your intimate partner.
And I’d love to help you build better relationships with everyone in your life and be even more successful when you begin my exciting, life-changing program, Power Relationships For Success And Love. You will get the love and success you deserve when you visit http://GreaterSuccessAndLove.com
Love deeply and live your dreams now,