Happy Sexy Love
Financial infidelity can be more
devastating to couples than a sexual
affair. In our rocky economy, one-third
of all couples are cheating with money
and placing their marriage on the rocks.
Are you or your partner committing
financial infidelity?
How do you survive it and create
financial intimacy?
To find the answers to these questions,
I interviewed Dr. Doug Welpton, a
Harvard-educated psychiatrist
and family counselor who has helped
thousands of couples improve their
relationship with money for 40 years.
What is financial infidelity?
“It’s cheating with your family money.
It’s hiding your purchases and not
telling your spouse about them,” says
Dr. Welpton.
He also says that cheating with money
can be as devastating as a sexual affair,
because it causes the same kind of
mistrust of your partner. The money you
need to pay your mortgage or bills also
may be gone–spent by the cheating
partner–which threatens the survival of
your relationship.
What are the common causes and cure?
Dr. Welpton suggests that couples who
don’t talk about money are more likely
to cheat with it.
Addictions to shopping, gambling, drugs
or pricey pleasures can cause a person
to cheat with money.
A cure is to start talking about your
money mindset and money history while
you are dating–including your debts,
savings, income, spending habits.
Dr. Welpton says it is smart to set rules
about spending and saving as a solid
foundation for your committed
relationship.
Another cure for financial infidelity
is to identify your addictions.
Then enter a 12-step program
to deal with your addiction and rebuild
trust in your relationship by continuing
to talk about money and take
responsibility for your spending.
The spouse who overspends needs to
surrender their credit cards, keep a
check register of their purchases and
share it with their partner. Total
transparency of your spending is the
goal.
What if you never have discussed
finances with your partner? How do you
start?
Dr. Welpton recommends you set up
no-cost rewards that instantly follow
each conversation you have about money.
Rewards might include a back rub, a foot
massage, a dance to your favorite song,
a walk in nature, etc.
As you begin to associate pleasure with your
conversations about money, you’ll want
to have these important chats more
often.
Dr. Welpton also suggests that you avoid
being a critic about your partner’s
money issues, so you don’t set up a power
struggle. Instead, adopt a mindset to
solve these problems together as a team,
showing mutual respect.
This is how you make it a win-win
solution in the way you handle money
issues, or any serious issue in your
relationship.
Create happy sexy love that lasts,
Hadley Finch
